Have you found yourself in a situation where you’ve ghosted a girl, only to realize later that you want her back? Perhaps at the time you were chatting or seeing each other, you were not overwhelmingly interested. Or, maybe you did like her but were not ready for it to develop into anything more serious. Rather than ending things in a polite and respectful way, you ghosted her.
Ghosting is a far from ideal way of ending a relationship. Perhaps it was your lack of consideration that led you to ghost her. Or maybe you could not bring yourself to have an awkward discussion to break things off. Either way, now you miss her being in your life and are wondering how to get her back. Here are the 5 top things you need to consider if you ghosted her and want her back. (Hint: don’t expect things to be smooth sailing).
1. By ghosting her, you may have hurt her feelings
If you ghosted a girl who liked you, it’s likely she was hurt on some level. She may have been able to brush it off quickly. However, it’s also possible that she was considerably upset by your actions. This is much more likely if you had been seeing each other regularly. After all, ghosting is a very harsh way of cutting someone off. It leaves them wondering why and what happened. They may feel foolish for not seeing it coming. Furthermore, they may feel upset that they had invested time into someone who dropped them so easily without explanation. It can be a huge blow to someone’s self-esteem.
Ultimately, any amount of hurt she experienced due to you ghosting her will need addressing, even if it was a while ago. Do not simply expect to be able to waltz into her life and get her back. You will need to try and find out how she felt about you ghosting her. Be prepared for the possibility that she may respond angrily, if she responds at all.
Related: How to Apologize for Ghosting
2. Do the decent thing and apologize. However, do not expect forgiveness.
If you ghosted her and want her back, you’ll need to reach out to her. This will likely be a message on Whatsapp, IG, etc. You may wish to keep it simple initially with a casual “Hi, how are you doing?” However, you simply cannot expect a reply. She may have already made up her mind that she does not want to speak to you ever again. At the very least, she will likely feel reluctant to respond to you after you ghosted her previously.
Having ghosted her in the past, the right thing to do is to acknowledge the fact that you ghosted her. Simply sweeping it under the rug is not likely to fare well. This is especially the case if she was annoyed or hurt. She knows that you ghosted her and so do you. It’s time to own up to your actions and try to put things right. No one likes to feel as if they can be simply picked up and dropped whenever convenient.
Something along the lines of “I’d like to apologize for cutting off our communication in the past without explanation. It was inconsiderate and I should have explained that I was not in the right place for us to continue seeing each other. I’m sorry if my actions hurt you in any way. Give her time and space to reply in her own time. Even if she never speaks to you again, it’s still worthwhile to have apologized for ghosting her.
3. What do you actually want?
If you’ve decided on a whim that you miss her because you’ve found yourself bored momentarily, just stop yourself right there. If you’ve ghosted someone and want her back, it’s important to be clear about what you actually want. Chances are, she may have been hurt by you ghosting her previously. If you want to get her back, it better be because you are not going to pull the same kind of stunt again. It’s important to respect that even if you miss her, it does not mean that getting back in touch with her is the right thing to do.
Obviously there are varying reasons as to why someone ghosts. However, if she was looking to get into a more serious relationship and you ghosted her out of fear of commitment, consider whether your views have changed at all. Sure, you may miss her. However, do you genuinely think that if she allows you back into her life, you would make her happy? After hurting her previously, you should be particularly cautious about hurting her again.
Related: What is Benching?
4. Even if you want her back, she may be off the market
While you’re contemplating how to get her back, be prepared for the possibility that she’s already involved with someone else. Chances are, she’s long moved on and is happily living her life without you. If she’s already in another relationship, it would not be surprising if she doesn’t reply to your messages at all. From her point of view, she may see zero appeal in chatting with you, especially after you ghosted her. It’s hard to blame someone for feeling this way. People will obviously prioritize relationships with people who treat them well.
If you find out that she’s already in a relationship, it’s important to respect that. After all, you had your chance previously and you ghosted her. Your best bet is accepting the reality of the situation and moving on. Perhaps use this experience as an opportunity for self-reflection. Maybe it will teach you something about how to handle future relationships.
5. If you ghosted her and want her back, be prepared to regain her trust
If you are lucky enough that she seems to be willing to give you a chance, be prepared to work hard. It’s not easy to regain someone’s trust after pulling a stunt like ghosting them. They may have spent days or even weeks mourning the loss of the relationship. Even if they did not take it that badly, at the very least they would have felt it was disrespectful. If they seem open to talking with you, that’s a positive sign. However, you will certainly need to put in the effort to prove that you can be trusted.
Regaining someone’s trust after ghosting is not an easy feat. This may involve apologizing for ghosting and explaining your actions. If they accept your apology, you will need to be consistent with your attitude towards them. That means being considerate of their feelings and giving her appropriate space when necessary. She may take a while to come round and let you back into her life. It also means that you need to be consistent with your own feelings. If she senses that you are unreliable or unresponsive, this may be extremely off-putting, especially with your history.
A Final Note
While it is possible to get someone back after ghosting them, it is certainly not easy. Be prepared that your efforts may be futile. After all, she may have written you off completely after you ghosted her. Or, she may already be off the market and simply have no desire to let you back into her life. However, if you really think she is worth it, then it’s worth a try. Do expect she won’t be too impressed with you initially. You’ll likely have to apologize for ghosting her and then put in effort over time to prove that you genuinely care about her. Only then can you try to rebuild the relationship.
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