So, you’ve recently been on a date with someone new and are now wondering what to text them? Well, that depends on how your date went. Maybe you really enjoyed their company and are hoping that you’ll get to go on a second date. If you both clearly had a great time and the date flowed naturally, you may have even discussed meeting again. This is the easiest situation as you already have some confirmation that they are interested. But what if you enjoyed your first date but are not exactly sure if they felt the same? Perhaps they were pleasant enough and certainly good company but did not give any obvious clues that they were keen to see you again. Read on as we cover common scenarios so you can decide what to text after the first date.
What to text after the first date if you feel things went well and you’d like to see them again
It’s often a huge relief when a first date goes well. Even if you are an experienced dater, first dates can be somewhat uncomfortable as you may not know what to expect. Furthermore, you’re likely trying to put on your best face while getting to know this person better. If you’re the one who planned the date, you may feel extra pressure as you’ll be wondering whether they enjoy what you’ve organised. If the conversation flowed well and you enjoyed each other’s company, you’ll likely both feel it. Perhaps they were very interested in what you had to say and you laughed a lot together. Or maybe you bonded over common interests and experiences. These are all great signs that a first date went well.
If you’d discussed meeting again, it’s pretty straightforward
The easiest situation is when you are both enjoyed the date and are on the same wavelength. If you had already discussed meeting again, you can relax. Usually, this means that they are genuinely interested and are keen to get to know you better. When deciding what to text after the first date, all you need to do is re-iterate your intentions to meet again and make concrete plans. Ideally, you can mention anything that you’d discussed on your date.
For example:
“I really enjoyed our lunch today. It would be fun to check out that new exhibition together. Wondering if you would be free one evening in the coming week or so?”
“Yesterday was fun! When is a good time to catch up again? Perhaps we can try Japanese food next time?”
“I had a great time tonight😊 How’s your schedule looking over the coming week? Would you be free to meet again?”
What to text after the first date if you want to see them again (but want them to be the one to initiate a second date)
Maybe you had a great time on your first date and are keen to see them again. However, you want to show your interest without being the one initiating the next move. That’s fair enough. You may be old-fashioned and believe that it should be the man doing the chasing. Or, you may feel that the other person is very interested and want to allow them to pursue you. It could even be obvious that they are more interested than you are (lucky you!). Each to their own. In this situation, all you need to do is express that you enjoyed your first date and show appreciation. This will show the other person that you are also interested. After that you can simply allow the conversation to flow.
“It was great to catch up over dinner. The food was great! How’s the rest of your weekend going?”
“Today was really fun! 😊 Hope we can do it again soon!”
“It was really nice to meet you today. Really enjoyed hearing about your experiences traveling around Italy! You’ll have to send me some suggestions for places to check out.”
What to text after the first date if you are undecided and want to keep your options open
A common scenario is when you’ve been on a first date with someone and leave feeling undecided. There may be some things you like about them but you don’t feel that ‘spark’. Or, you like them but are not exactly sure if they are your usual type. Maybe you’ve just come out of a relationship and are enjoying your time being single. Whatever the reason, it’s absolutely normal to have reservations after a first date. You may simply be the type that takes things slowly. Many people need time to get to know someone better over time before making any decisions. In this situation, if you’re feeling “maybe” rather than a resounding “yes” or “no” then keeping your options open is a good decision. After all, dating is all about figuring out what’s compatible for you.
Be positive but not misleading
When deciding what to text someone who you are somewhat interested in, it’s important to be positive but not give false hope. You want to express that you are open to seeing them again but that you will take things at your own pace. Therefore, you may wish to simply continue communication between the two of you to see where things go. That way, you can get to know them a bit better by chatting and allow some time for things to develop. Here are some suggestions on what to text after the first date if you are ‘kind of’ interested:
“It was fun to meet you yesterday. How’s the rest of your weekend going?”
“Thank you for organizing Friday, I had a great time. Did you end up going hiking in the end?”
“Really enjoyed the food tonight! Hope you had fun too.”
What to text after the first date if you have no intention of seeing the other person again
What if you didn’t enjoy your first date and don’t plan to see them again? Or, the first date went decently well but they are just not your cup of tea? Are you supposed to text them afterwards? Or is it ok to leave things be? It really depends. On one hand, it is polite and respectful to send a short message thanking them for their time. On the other hand, you may feel it’s a total waste of time. If the date didn’t go particularly well, it’s likely that you both felt it. Maybe the conversation was awkward and uninspiring.
Keep things short and sweet
It’s your call as to whether you think it’s worthwhile sending a quick message showing you appreciated their time, even if you do not plan to meet again. It’s important to keep things short and sweet and not be misleading. Here are some examples:
“It was nice to meet you today, thanks for coffee.”
“Thanks for your time yesterday, good luck with everything.”
“It was a pleasure to meet you, hope that you enjoyed the rest of your weekend. Take care.”
It’s likely that the other person will take the hint and sense that your message is not alluding to another date. They may respond politely or not at all. Either way, you’ve done the decent thing and thanked them for their time.
After the first date, can I not text them at all if I’m not interested?
If you decide to not to text them at all, they will almost certainly realize that you are not interested. Depending on how much interaction you had prior to your first date and how your first date went, they may or may not be surprised. For example, perhaps you’d been messaging each other for weeks prior to meeting. Then, you’d spent the entire date flirting with them and giving them the idea that you were interested. If after this kind of first date you simply go silent, they may view your lack of texting as ghosting. Essentially, if you’d built up any misleading expectations and then suddenly stopped communicating, it’s more likely to be perceived as ghosting.
On the other hand, maybe things were relatively brief and short-lived leading up to your first date, and it clearly was not an enjoyable date. In this situation, it’s arguably reasonable to not text afterwards. The other person likely had little expectations and did not get any cues from you signalling any special interest. Ultimately, it’s your decision whether to text or not text after the first date if you do not plan to see them again. However, be aware that based on your behaviour on the date (and leading up to it), not texting may potentially be viewed as ghosting.
Related: Why Was I Ghosted After The First Date?
What to text after a first date: a few simple rules
When deciding what to text after a first date, there’s no need to overcomplicate things. If you are keen to see them again, send a sweet message that expresses you enjoyed their company so they know. There’s no point in playing hard to get as the last thing you want is for them to think you are uninterested. You want to keep the door open and make it easy for them to ask you out again. On the other hand, if you don’t want to see them again, you can be polite and thank them for their time without alluding to a further meeting.
- Be consistent with your feelings
- Keep things light-hearted
- Don’t give false hope if you are not interested
- It’s fine to be uncertain and take things slowly
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