Everyone can agree that being ghosted can be hurtful and frustrating. The good news is that it usually happens after a short period of dating, or even before that much anticipated first date. The bad news is that you might not even realize you are dating someone with no future. You may continue happily in the relationship and end up getting ghosted after three months. Being ghosted after several months is tricky. The person being ghosted is likely to find it extremely confusing: why did they even bother dating for several months if they weren’t that into it?
Why did I get ghosted after three months?
The simple answer is, the other person was not that into the relationship. This goes for all forms of ghosting, whether it’s after the third date, or the third month. It’s important to remember that during the initial stages of dating, most people tend to be on their best behaviour. Attraction and excitement (or the thrill of the chase) are at full force. This is what compels you to seek out the other person. This stage can last from several dates up to a few months.
Why do guys always seem so keen in the beginning?
A common complaint by women is that men always start out keen in the beginning but their interest fades over time. It also happens the other way round. It is certainly possible that the ghoster was genuinely keen during this initial stage of dating and getting to know you. They may have been happy to see you, plan dates and valued your time together. However, this may simply be due to attraction rather than genuine feelings of affection and concern for you. These take longer to develop.
Time is the only way to know if the relationship will last
During the early days of the relationship, you are probably enjoying fun dates and excursions together. It’s unlikely you are seeing each other all the time. You are probably shielded from the other person’s problems and issues, let alone the mundane details of their life. Basically, you’re far more likely to see the good parts of the person and less of the negative. The only way to truly know if the two of you are truly compatible is by seeing how things progress naturally over time.
It takes time for two people to really know each other’s true personalities. This includes all the different aspects, good and bad. It’s only when you can understand the different layers of the other person yet still maintain that special chemistry that the relationship can last.
When someone likes the ‘idea’ of you but not the reality
Dating is interesting (and necessary) because it allows you to learn about what the reality of being with the other person is like. Were the qualities that attracted you to them in the first place, really what suits you deep down?
Perhaps during the first few dates, the guy sees a girl as beautiful and intelligent. He loves her vibe and spending time with her. However, as he gets to know her better, he finds out that she are extremely focussed on her career. He discovers she is not the type to give constant love and attention in the way he requires in a serious relationship. His feelings become unsure about her and his attention falters. He realizes this is not what he wants and pulls away.
The three month mark
Some people are simply seeking casual relationships with no commitment. However, many approach dating with the possibility that it could turn into something more serious. Often it is a natural progression when the relationship becomes ‘serious’ and it may be obvious to both people involved. They may not even need to discuss the status of the relationship if they are very in tune with each other’s thoughts and feelings.
While timelines can vary, dating for three months is a reasonable time frame for most people to decide whether the relationship is serious or not. After three months, you should have some idea about how much you like the other person. You should also have some insight into their lifestyle, habits and how they behave in a relationship. As such, your feelings towards them and whether you want to continue should have become clearer. While it may be the point at which someone may become convinced they want to be serious with you, it also may be the stage at which they decide to pull away.
What am I supposed to make of being ghosted after three months?
If you have been ghosted after three months (or frankly, any period) of dating, it shows that this person has concluded that they do not want to be with you. This is regardless of whether they started out keen, seemed to enjoy seeing you, or even spoke of the ‘future.’ It’s important to focus on what their actions are telling you now. Although three months is not a ‘short’ time, it’s also not particularly long. You may have never established what the relationship was, or where it was going. While ghosting is an awful way to go end things, the ghoster may have reasoned that they do not owe you a full explanation as it was not ‘official.’
Related: Online dating: Guys to Avoid. Here Are 5 Guys You Must Avoid.
Remember that feelings can change
Feelings can change over time, especially when someone is still exploring dating different people or doesn’t know what they want. They may have even genuinely wanted a relationship in the beginning but when it came down to it, they were not prepared to make any commitments. Initially, it’s likely you had many qualities to attract them in the first place. However, they later discovered you did not offer them the things that make them feel genuinely happy and secure in the long run. This is by no means your fault, it simply comes down to compatibility.
It might not feel like it, but being ghosted can be a blessing in disguise
If you’ve been ghosted after three months, this person is clearly not right for you. Understandably, it sucks. Ghosting is an insensitive and selfish way to end a relationship after several months of dating. The fact that they ghosted you is telling of their lack of concern for your feelings. Although you may be hurt, it’s certainly for the best that this person is no longer in your life. Now, you can invest your time into people who are far more worthy.
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