There are many reasons as to why you may need to cancel a date. Perhaps it’s a genuine case of other commitments e.g. work or some personal matter cropping up, meaning you can no longer make it. Or, it could be that you’ve decided you’re not so keen on meeting this person after all. Cancelling a date will be disappointing to the person you’ve agreed to meet if they are interested in you. If you’re wondering how to cancel a date, remember that tt’s important to be respectful and clear in your message.
How to Cancel a Date 1. Text or phone call?
Firstly, you’ll have to decide whether you want to cancel the date through a text message or by calling them. If most of your communication is by text, it’s perfectly reasonable to send a (non-flakey) text message to cancel the date. If you regularly talk on the phone, then, by all means, give them a call. There is no right or wrong answer. However, a phone call is more likely to come across as sincere as it requires more effort. A phone call may be more appropriate if there is some reason that you wish to explain in more detail.
Related: Should I Call Him? 8 Common Scenarios
How to Cancel a Date 2. Start with an apology
Firstly, don’t be shy about saying sorry for needing to cancel the date. After all, the other person has set aside time specifically for you. They are probably looking forward to spending time together and enjoying whatever the two of you had planned. Keep it simple and start by saying something along the lines of: “I’m very sorry but I need to cancel our plans to meet up on Friday.”
How to cancel a date 3. Don’t leave things until the last minute
If you’ve decided that you can no longer make it to the date, let the other person know as soon as possible. This way, they can make other plans with their time. Ideally, give a week or at least several days notice, if possible. If you are letting someone know the day before that you wish to cancel, be prepared that they may view your behaviour as flakey or rude, unless you have a really good reason.
Canceling a date on the same day, especially just before the time you are supposed to meet, should be avoided at all costs. Not only is it disrespectful towards the other person and their time, but they’ll may lose trust in you. Be prepared to have a really good reason for cancelling on the day. Otherwise they might write you off completely and you’ll find they aren’t willing to agree to meeting you in the future.
How to Cancel a Date 4. Explain your reasons for cancelling
Do explain why you are cancelling the date. For example, if something has come up at work, you should tell them this. You don’t need to go over the top but giving too few details may lead them to think that you’re simply coming up with any old excuse or flat-out lying.
Something like “I have a project at work that I’m going to need to put extra hours into because the deadline is very soon” will suffice. If it’s due to a personal matter that you do not wish to disclose the full details of, you can allude to the fact that it’s unexpected and serious, rather than something trivial. For example, “I’m very involved with caring for my father who has health issues and something unexpected has come up that I need to help with urgently.”
How to Cancel a Date 5. If you are keen, suggest rescheduling
Perhaps you’ve canceled a date but do genuinely want to see the person. Why not suggest another time to meet? This way, the other person knows that you are not simply blowing them off and are still interested. You could say, “would you be free one day next weekend for us to meet up instead? I’m really looking forward to catching up!” Make sure that you choose a date and time that you are sure you’ll be able to make. If you cancel two times in a row, don’t expect the other person to give you a third chance.
How to Cancel a Date 6. If the other person has clearly put effort into planning something special (or it’s a special occasion), be extra considerate
Cancelling a date when the other person has obviously gone to lengths to plan something special e.g. some kind of excursion that requires booking tickets or more planning than a regular date may result in them feeling especially disappointed. It’s a good idea to acknowledge and appreciate their efforts or the importance of the event. You may wish to say something along the lines of “it was very thoughtful of you to plan such a fun day for us and I was really looking forward to going with you.”
If it’s a special occasion e.g. a birthday or celebration that you are cancelling and you really feel bad about missing it, then you may wish to offer some way to make it up to them. For example, if you’re cancelling a birthday dinner, perhaps you can suggest taking them out to celebrate on a different day and making it extra special.
How to Cancel a Date 7. Maintain good communication if you are still genuinely interested
If it’s due to unforeseen circumstances that you’ve had to cancel the date and you are still keen, then show them this. Keep up messaging and checking in on the other person so that they know you are still interested. If you like a person, the worst thing you can do after cancelling a date is dropping off the end of the earth and failing to stay in touch. They’ll simply assume that you’re not interested.
How to Cancel a Date 8. What if you’ve changed your mind about seeing them all together?
Don’t worry, these things happen. Perhaps you initially were interested but on second thought, you’re just not that keen. While it may suck for the other person if they still like you, there’s no point wasting your own time and theirs if your heart’s simply not in it. Note that this is more suitable for someone new you are getting to know, rather than being a way to end a relationship with someone you’re already with.
Even if you may never see them again, remember to be polite and respectful, while being clear in your decision. You could try something like: “I’m sorry but I would like to cancel our plans to meet up for sushi on Saturday. I enjoyed meeting you but on second thoughts, I don’t feel that I’d like to take things any further. Take care and wishing you all the best.”
How to Cancel a Date 9. Make every effort not to cancel in the future
While cancelling a date once or twice is no biggie (especially if you have a genuine reason), it’s important not to make a habit of cancelling. If you regularly cancel dates, not only is this disrespectful towards the other person but you have to ask yourself why you are always cancelling. Is it a matter of poor time management? Or are you simply over-committing yourself to things you don’t plan to follow through with? Maybe you don’t truly t like the other person that much and are just keeping them hanging around.
Imagine being the person on the receiving end. Either they will assume you are not interested, or they will feel that you are treating them as a back-up. It’s likely they’ll get fed up with your flakey behaviour at some point.
How to Cancel a Date 10. Tell the truth
Whatever your reason is for cancelling the date, your best bet is being honest about your reasons and apologizing. Regardless of whether it’s because of work or feeling unwell, there’s no reason to lie. If it’s because you don’t want to meet again, then you may as well tell them that. People can bear the truth. Many people prefer someone having the guts to be honest with them, rather than coming up with a lame excuse.
Found this article useful? You may enjoy these articles:
