After being ghosted, many people will wonder what the best way to proceed is. Is it better to simply accept that it’s over and sweep things under the rug? Or, is it better to call out the other person for ghosting you? It can be difficult to know what the right thing to do is. Sending a high value response to ghosting can make it easier to close the chapter on your relationship. By doing so, you can inform the ghoster that despite their less-than-ideal behaviour, you still maintain your self-worth. You fully understand the situation, accept that it’s over and are moving on with your life.
Since the ghoster is clearly avoidant, asking them questions will unlikely yield the answers you are looking for. It may even cause you further frustration if they, again, fail to respond. A high value response to ghosting is a final message that calls out their behaviour while maintaining your dignity. You are no longer seeking anything from the person who ghosted you since they’ve already proven they have nothing to offer.
What are the traits of a high value person?
A high value person:
- Knows their worth
- Treats others with dignity and respect and expects the same from others
- Feels positive about their personality, skills, body
- Is emotionally intelligent at reading situations and other people
- Recognizes when someone’s behaviour is ‘off’ or downright disrespectful
- Will speak up and voice her opinions when the situation calls for it
- Maintains healthy relationships that are nurturing and supportive, not destructive
- Is willing to learn from their mistakes and experiences
How does a high value person feel after being ghosted?
After being ghosted, a high value person may certainly feel all the same emotions as someone who is a generally less confident person. They may feel hurt, disappointed, confused or even heart-broken. However, even if they are upset after being ghosted, they will quickly recognize that the ghoster is simply not worth it.
A high value person will understand the reality of the situation: that the ghoster did not appreciate what they had to offer and clearly did not care. A high value person is choosy about the relationships they maintain in their life. They only have room for people who brings them happiness with and are positive influences. Bearing this in mind, the high value person will realize that they are far better off without the ghoster in their life.
A high value person prioritizes staying true to themselves and moving on
This is not to say that a high value person will not feel pain or struggle to get over the end of the relationship. They may experience serious heart ache if they had strong feelings for the other person. In fact, they may have felt blindsided by being ghosted. However, a high value person will prioritize moving on, rather than questioning themselves.
Related: How Does The Ghoster Feel After Ghosting Someone? The 10 Deciding Factors.
What constitutes a high value response to ghosting?
A high value response to ghosting may:
- Acknowledge the fact that you’ve been ghosted
- State why being ghosted was unpleasant and/or unnecessary
- Shows the ghoster that you are fine and better off without them
- Show that you respect yourself too much to tolerate being treated badly
What a high value response to ghosting does not include:
- Asking the ghoster if they will come back
- Asking the ghoster what you did wrong
- Repeatedly messaging them hoping to get a reply
- Swearing or hurling abuse at the ghoster
What are the benefits of sending a high value response to ghosting to the ghoster?
- You can walk away with your head held up high
- You stay true to yourself
- Having the last word may help you gain closure
- It calls the ghoster out on their behaviour
Examples of high value responses to ghosting
High value response to ghosting Example 1.
“Clearly we are no longer speaking as you’ve not messaged in a while. It would have been easier if you’d told me directly that you’re no longer interested. It wouldn’t have bothered me as I’m honestly quite busy. The annoying part was I wasted time wondering if something was up with you. Anyway, it’s obviously for the best that we won’t see each other again. Good bye.”
Why this response shows you are a high value person:
- You acknowledge the fact that you’ve been ghosted i.e. you get the situation, you are not sitting around hoping the ghoster will come back
- You have a busy life i.e. no time for time-wasters
- You recognize that they are not worth your time
High value response to ghosting Example 2.
“Next time before you ghost someone, maybe take a second to consider the other person. Obviously I misinterpreted that you cared. However it’s not a big deal to me that I’m no longer spending time with someone who doesn’t deserve a place in my life.”
Why this response shows you are a high value person:
- You are calling the ghoster out for being disrespectful
- You only have room for people in your life who treat you respectfully and genuinely care
High value response to ghosting Example 3.
“I’ll do you a favour by blocking you :’D” (Alternatively: deleting your number)“
Why this response shows you are a high value person:
- You get that you’ve been ghosted
- You are not heartbroken or depressed by their actions and they do not have a hold over your emotions
- You want them out of your life completely with no chance of them zombieing you
High value response to ghosting Example 4.
“Since you haven’t messaged in a while, it’s clear that we won’t see each other again. Just a word of advice: the decent thing to do would have been to tell me it’s not working for you. I would have been totally cool with that since I only want to spend time with people who value me.“
Why this response shows you are a high value person:
- Again, you recognize the reality of the situation
- You are concise and diplomatic in explaining how you expect others to treat you
- You will not drop your standards of how other people treat you
- You are fine with cutting off relationships that are not suitable
High value response to ghosting Example 5.
“Obviously you’re not the person that I thought you were. Good bye.“
Why this response shows you are a high value person:
- You recognize that you made a mistake in judging the other person’s character which actually shows a degree of maturity and self-awareness
- After learning the other person’s true colours, you have no place for them in your life
High value response to ghosting Example 6.
“I now realize that wondering if you were ok was a mistake. Sucks I didn’t see this coming. But no worries, clearly I’m better off without you.“
Why this response shows you are a high value person:
- Again, this response shows a level of self-awareness
- The casual tone shows that the ghoster has not affected you in a huge way emotionally
- You know that you deserve better
High value response to ghosting Example 7.
“It’s unfortunate you couldn’t think of a better way to end things. On the plus side I never have to see you again.“
Why this response shows you are a high value person:
- You call out the ghoster for their behaviour and express disappointment at being treated in such a way
- You emphasize the positive aspect of the situation which is that you no longer need to be around someone who treats you disrespectfully
What to expect after sending your final message
After sending a high value response to ghosting, there’s no need to expect anything from the ghoster. It’s unlikely they’ll reply. You may even choose to block them afterwards. The main thing is that you’ve called them out for ghosting you and maintained your dignity. You’ve stayed true to yourself in standing up for yourself when treated disrespectfully. Furthermore, you have informed them that you have standards for the people you allow into your life.
Someone with high self-esteem may certainly be hurt or confused by being ghosted by someone. They may grieve the loss of the relationship deep down. However, they will recognize that being ghosted is a clear sign of disrespect from someone who does not care. As a result, they strongly believe it’s for the best that they are no longer with the person who ghosted them.
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