Updated: 27th February 2023
So, you’ve matched with someone online and have decided to meet for the first time. After agreeing on a date, place and time, then comes the waiting for that day to arrive. Your hopes may be riding high on this man or woman to be the love of your life, or you may be merely looking for a bit of fun. However, when the flirty banter is replaced by radio silence, it begs the question: what happened? Being ghosted before the first date is very common. It usually boils down to the fact that he or she, is simply not that keen to meet. There can be a variety of reasons for this.
Related: What Is Ghosting?
The truth is, when it comes to online dating, there are considerations you need to take into account. It’s estimated that 53% of people lie on their online dating profiles. Often, you have no idea about this person’s identity, background (is their photo even really them?) or their relationship status. If you’ve been ghosted before the first date, don’t despair. It’s very common and almost always nothing to do with you.
Here are the 4 possible reasons as to why you got ghosted before the first date
Reason 1. He or she is not really ‘single’
When you meet someone on a dating app, it’s fair to assume they are open to chatting and maybe meeting potential dates. The truth is many people who use dating apps are not completely single. They may be ‘kind of’ seeing someone already. Or, they may already in a serious relationship. “I had a girlfriend but we were on a break, so I figured I would see what’s out there on this dating app my friends were using. It was fun chatting and flirting with cute girls but in the end we got back together so I just stopped replying to those other girls.” -Matt, 31.
You simply have no way of knowing someone’s real relationship status if you’ve met them online. Of course, one would hope that the person you’ve been chatting to is actually single and is being honest with you. However, it’s fair to say that you should be prepared for this not to be the case. Ultimately, you need to firstly meet them in person and get to know them better before you can determine their true relationship status. Therefore, if you’ve been ghosted before the first date, it’s certainly possible that they are seeing someone else.
Reason 2. He or she is chatting to many potential dates at the same time
Online dating apps actively encourage users to connect with several other people. With thousands of potential dates available at the click of a button, it’s far too easy to message many people at the same time. It then becomes difficult keeping up with all of them. After all, there’s only 24 hours in a day. Between work, friends, going to the gym, how much time is really left in our busy lives? Sometimes, genuine busyness gets in the way of dating.
The other possibility is that during the time this person has been chatting with you, they’ve started to become more involved with someone else. Unfortunately, not everyone has the decency to cancel a first date and provide an explanation. One would think that most people have basic dating etiquette i.e. not to stand someone up on the first date. However, there are plenty of insensitive and careless people out there, especially on online dating apps. Unfortunately you simply do not know if the person you’d arranged to meet is this type. As a result, you can end up being ghosted before the first date.
Reason 3. He or she is a player
Online dating apps are an ideal hunting ground for players. Not only can they easily find potential dates, but it’s easy to ghost people when it suits them. They are often flirty with everyone and love the attention that it gains them. They are experts at getting people to like them and possibly even fall in love with them. However, they are unreliable. Players often feel less accountable when they meet someone on an online dating app. As the people you meet often have no connection to your day to day life, it’s easy to start and stop relationships without any consequences.
Player type personalities have a far greater tendency to drop relationships without much second thought. They often see relationships as a solely a means of satisfying their own needs. They are less likely to consider ghosting ‘wrong,’ as they simply reason that they owe nothing to anyone. Ghosting before the first date is no big deal to them. Chances are, they’ve already got their sights on someone else. If you’ve been ghosted by a player before the first date, consider yourself lucky that you didn’t waste any more time on them.
Reason 4. He or she got cold feet
Dating apps have made it super easy to initiate dates, especially for those who may struggle to find dates in real life. Communicating on an online app takes away a lot of the stress associated with traditional dating. Instead of approaching someone in a bar, introducing yourself and initiating small talk, all it takes is a simple “hey 🙂 how’s it going?” However, when it finally comes to meeting in person, the awkwardness of meeting someone new soon dawns on them. They may even have insecurities about themselves that make the idea of going on a first date with you terrifying.
For those who are new to online dating, the thought of meeting someone from an app can be daunting. There are many uncertainties (‘will she even look like her profile picture?’) that can put them off meeting for the first time. For all you know, they may have recently come out of a relationship and are still not over it. Despite appearing keen and having spent time chatting with you, they may not be emotionally ready to actually meet in person. The thought of dating may be nerve-wrecking for them, especially with a stranger. It’s super easy to chat with a cute stranger on a dating app but meeting in person is a whole different game. Going on a first date is what makes things real and they may simply not be ready for that.
Have you been ghosted before the first date? The Take Home Message
While these are just a few reasons as to why you may have been ghosted for the first date, the important thing to remember is that you simply do not know much about this person. Online dating can be extremely rewarding, with some people meeting their long-term partners. However, there are many cases of fake identity and misrepresentation in people’s profiles. Furthermore, you have no idea what people are really looking for on these apps. For all you know, they may already be in a serious relationship. Or, they may not even be in the right place emotionally to go on dates.
When it comes to online dating, being ghosted before the first date happens a lot. Regardless of their reasons, the other person has demonstrated that they lack respect for you and your time. It would take 10 seconds to say: “I’m sorry but I won’t be able to meet you” with a short explanation. If you’ve been ghosted before the first date, it’s almost a sure sign that you should focus your efforts elsewhere.
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