If you’ve been on a date (or several) with a guy and have decided you’re interested in getting to know him better, you may be wondering: should I call him? The answer really depends on you. Some people may hold a somewhat traditional view that they should wait for the guy to call them. However, this is the 21st century and many people feel that such rules no longer exist. It really comes down to what you are comfortable with. Here, we address the situations in which it is a good idea to call a guy and other times in which it may not be such a great idea.
Why do people agonize over whether to call a guy?
In the early stages of dating, it can sometimes be difficult to know how to act. Sure, you may be interested, and he seemed to have enjoyed spending time with you, too. However, many of us will be slightly wary of coming across as overly keen. When you don’t know someone well, you may wish to maintain a slight distance at least in the beginning. Some people may intentionally play hard to get. Unfortunately, this strategy can backfire, and the other person may perceive you as being uninterested if you play too many mind games.
Should I call him? Scenario 1. The two of you hit it off really well and he’s good at responding
Perhaps the two of you hit things off really well and you’re keen to get to know him better. It’s likely that you felt that he enjoyed your company equally and you both had a great time. If you’ve been good at keeping in touch through messaging and he’s equally keen, it’s a good sign.
Say you’re attracted to him- he’ll certainly be on your mind. If you feel comfortable calling him, then by all means, go ahead. At the end of the day, if he likes you, he’ll be pleased to hear from you. Life is short and if you felt a spark then maybe he felt it, too. You’ve not got much to lose by picking up the phone and calling a guy who’s been enthusiastic in talking to you.
Verdict: Call
Should I call him? Scenario 2. You’ve been busy lately but are still keen
Perhaps you are interested in a guy but simply haven’t had the time to stay in touch as regularly as you would’ve liked. In this situation, calling him is a great way to show that you haven’t forgotten about him. Maybe a guy has been putting effort into messaging you or asking you out. However, you’ve been busy with work or travel and haven’t been able to dedicate much time to him.
Unfortunately, over time, not reciprocating someone’s efforts to get to know you can become tiring for them. If you wish to maintain the relationship, it’s important that you also take the initiative sometimes. Therefore, calling them will likely have a positive effect in showing that you are still interested and do care.
Verdict: Call
Should I call him? Scenario 3. He’s not bothered to stay in touch
What if you’ve been on a date with a guy and he doesn’t seem that interested? Maybe you’ve already tried messaging and his response has been lukewarm. Or, maybe he’s not replied to your messages at all. Or, he didn’t pick up your last call and made no effort to get in touch afterwards. Putting it bluntly, if a guy is interested, he will reply. Furthermore, he will want to see you again.
Instead of agonizing over whether you should call a guy who is not putting any effort into staying in touch with you, you’d be better off cutting your losses.
Verdict: Don’t call
Should I call him? Scenario 4. He’s told you he’s not interested
If a guy has already told you that he’s not interested in pursuing things with you, please do not waste your time wondering if you should call him. Listen to what he is saying and don’t convince yourself that there is hope simply because you are into him. You’re far better off moving on and focusing your efforts elsewhere. Don’t despair, there are plenty of fish in the sea!
Verdict: Don’t call
Should I call him? Scenario 5. He’s already in a relationship
Maybe you’ve had flirtatious encounters or even been on dates with a guy who’s already technically taken i.e. in a relationship or married. If he’s suddenly gone quiet or pulled away, you may be wondering what happened. If you’ve developed feelings for him, you may be wondering: should I call him?
Unfortunately, it’s almost always not a great idea to pursue a guy who’s already taken. Firstly, he is already in an established relationship with someone else meaning he likely is quite occupied already. If he’s been pursuing something with you on the side, he is clearly demonstrating a lack of loyalty to his current partner. How are you supposed to trust him? Furthermore, it’s unlikely that he can offer you any kind of commitment or the respect that you deserve.
Getting involved with someone who is already in a relationship is risky business. They will often be inconsistent in their feelings and actions. Usually, they are confused themselves and you will be on the receiving end of their ups and downs.
Verdict: Don’t call
Should I call him? Scenario 6. You want a guy who is 100% interested and takes the initiative to pursue you
Traditionally, men are the ones who do the chasing in relationships. Many people no longer subscribe to this school of thought, though. Nowadays, it’s common for girls to do the chasing or initiate plans on an equal level to men. It really comes down to personal preference and what you’re comfortable with.
Perhaps you are someone who strongly feels that you want a guy to be the one who takes the lead in a relationship. This is to do with your relationship expectations and view on gender roles. Maybe you are seeking a guy who reaches out to you frequently and takes the initiative to plan dates. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this and being honest with what makes you happy.
Some guys simply are not the type to put in a big effort into pursuing you
If the guy you are seeing has not been doing this at all, it’s unlikely that he’ll meet your expectations and make you happy in the long-term. Perhaps they are simply not the type that will plan romantic dates and go out of his way to chase a girl. Maybe they are the shy type and need a girl to make the moves in order for them to feel comfortable. Either way, if deep down you are not keen to be the one to initiate things, perhaps calling is not the best idea.
Verdict: Don’t call
Should I call him? Scenario 7. He said he was going to call you but didn’t
If you’ve been on the receiving end of a guy saying “I’ll call you” at the end of a date (or meet up, or whatever it was) and he’ still not called after days, don’t get your hopes up. The reality is that guys will often say that they will call you as an easy way to end the meeting on a positive note. This is even if they have zero intention of actually calling. Frankly, if they said they would call you and they genuinely want to call you, then they will. It’s as simple as that. Their lack of contact shows that they are not as interested as you may have hoped.
Verdict: Don’t call
Related: How to tell if he is interested in you after the first date? 5 Telltale Signs
Should I call him? Scenario 8. You simply want an answer as to what’s going on
Perhaps you’ve kind of been seeing a guy and you’ve been exchanging texts on and off and meeting on occasion. Or, he’s been giving mixed signals. Maybe he’s made plans which he’s then changed or cancelled. However, he’ll then come back later and seem interested again. This kind of situation is frustrating if you are interested in him.
Sometimes, text messages simply don’t cut it as a way of figuring out how someone feels. If you’ve reached the point where you simply want to know what the deal is, then maybe calling is a decent idea. Maybe if he picks up and you get a chance to speak to him you’ll get a clearer idea of where you stand than waiting for those infrequent text messages. If he doesn’t pick up and makes zero effort to get back in touch, then you also have your answer.
Verdict: Call
There’s no right or wrong answer as to whether you should call
Ultimately, there is no right or wrong answer as to whether you should call a guy that you’re interested in. Many people don’t regard calling a guy as a big deal at all. Even if calling doesn’t result in their desired outcome, it’s simply no biggie. However, if you’re someone who finds it odd or uncomfortable to be the one calling a guy, then you may wish to follow your gut feeling. The truth is, a guy who genuinely likes you will be glad to hear from you if you call. If you get the sense that he’s simply not that keen, well, maybe you’re right.
If you feel uncomfortable about being the one to call and feel deep down that he hasn’t made much effort to stay in touch with you, then you’re better off trusting your instincts. It seems unlikely that he’s very interested in you.
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