Receiving infrequent or unenthusiastic texts from a guy you like can be annoying and confusing. If you’re in this situation, you may be wondering just how keen he is on your relationship. Or, you may be confident that he does care about you a lot and clearly enjoys spending time with you. However, his texts leave you wondering what he’s thinking or what he’s been up to while the two of you are apart. So why are guys so bad at texting? Here’s the lowdown.
Contents
- Being ‘good’ or ‘bad’ at texting is relative
- Ask yourself first: what do I feel constitutes being ‘good at texting’?
- If you’re wondering ‘why are guys so bad at texting?’ here are 3 reasons why.
- Reason 1. He’s not that keen
- Reason 2. You have high expectations relating to how often a guy should text
- Reason 3. Some guys just aren’t that into texting
- 3 steps to take
- Conclusion
Being ‘good’ or ‘bad’ at texting is relative
As with anything relating to relationships, everyone has different definitions of what constitutes ‘good’ or ‘bad’ behaviour. One person may consider it ideal if their boyfriend texts once or twice a day because they don’t enjoy texting that much either and much prefer face-to-face interactions. On the other hand, another girl may consider a guy to be ‘bad’ at texting if he doesn’t message her regularly throughout the day.
If you’re wondering ‘why are guys so bad at texting’ with a specific guy in mind, then it’s clear that either the frequency at which he texts you or the content of his text messages have been leaving you feeling disappointed. If you think this guy is bad at texting, you may be questioning the following:
- Is he interested in me?
- How much does he care about me?
- Is he really that busy?
- Is he playing hard to get?
- What is he doing?
Texting has become an essential method of communication for modern relationships
While in the past, people relied more on phone calls and face-to-face interactions, texting has become hands-down the most popular way of keeping in touch with loved ones and friends throughout the day. It’s only natural to judge a guy based on the way he texts since this may be his only way of communicating with you when the two of you are apart.
Good communication is important for any healthy relationship. Ultimately, if one or two people feel that the other person doesn’t communicate to them enough or doesn’t communicate effectively, this can be an issue. Poor communication can lead to:
- Feeling misunderstood
- Feeling like you are not a priority to the other person
- Questioning the other person’s sincerity
- Wondering whether the other person is dating other people
Ask yourself first: what do I feel constitutes being ‘good at texting’?
If you’re texting a guy you’re interested in, how often would you like him to text you? Every day? Every few hours? Every hour? How about if it’s a guy that you’re already in a relationship with? How often does he need to text you in order for you to feel reassured?
Since there is no right or wrong when it comes to texting, it’s really about what you feel is important to you if you’re in a relationship with someone. If you have high expectations related to how often a guy should text you i.e. constantly throughout the day, it’s more likely that you’ll end up disappointed. On the other hand, it’s different if you enjoy texting but take a flexible approach based on the guy’s personality type and your relationship dynamics. As a result, you’re less likely to consider a guy to be ‘bad’ at texting because you don’t have fixed expectations.
If you’re wondering ‘why are guys so bad at texting?’ here are 3 reasons why.
Reason 1. He’s not that keen
If you are you are dealing with a guy who is bad at texting i.e. he doesn’t text you often and does not text enthusiastically, it could simply be because he’s just not that into you. Unlike girls who may meet a guy and think “it’s nice to keep in touch” or “maybe we can be friends,” guys do not feel as much of an urge to small talk and be polite.
Basically, unless a guy is interested in you romantically, he will not be bothered to text you regularly and enthusiastically. If a guy is very interested in you, he WILL text you. It’s as simple as that. Even if he is busy with work, school, travel or his social life and leaves you on read, he will reach out to text you and express his interest once he is free. A guy who really likes a girl will put in the effort.
Related: He Left Me On Read, Why? 12 Reasons Why Guys Do This
Why is he dry texting me all of a sudden?
Dry texting = when someone sends you short, unenthusiastic and possibly meaningless texts e.g. “lol” without elaborating or continuing the conversation
If this guy previously seemed keen over text and has suddenly started to dry text you, then it’s likely because he’s losing interest. The only other possibility is that he’s especially busy and genuinely doesn’t have the time to reply you. However, if he is still keen then he will become more responsive again once he’s free.
Reason 2. You have high expectations relating to how often a guy should text
If you consistently find that guys are bad at texting you (including guys you’ve dated and been in a proper relationship with), you have to ask yourself whether it’s because your standards are higher than what most guys offer naturally. Ask yourself the following:
- Do I need guys to text me constantly throughout the day?
- Do I expect a guy to message me even if he’s busy e.g. with work or with other people?
- Do I need a lot of reassurance from the guy that I’m dating that he cares?
It’s possible that the guys you’ve dated simply have a different communication style to you when it comes to texting. While you prefer a guy who texts very often, this may not be natural to the guys that you’ve dated. As stated previously, there’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong.’ It’s all about compatibility. There may be some guys who prefer to text much more frequently than the guys you’ve been dealing with who might be a better match for you.
Reason 3. Some guys just aren’t that into texting
Certain people, including guys and girls, are just not that into texting. They may find it laborious to constantly text or send long messages to convey their feelings or explain what they’ve been up to during your time apart. They might prefer talking on the phone or meeting up face-to-face. Basically, they prefer different communication methods and may not place great importance on texting a girl.
If you’re constantly wondering ‘why are guys so bad at texting’ then you may find taking the following steps useful
Step 1. Be honest with yourself
Do you expect a lot from guys when it comes to texting? Is it because you have too much free time and expect guys to keep you occupied? If you think it could be because you have high expectations that no guy seems to be able to meet, then you may consider adjusting your expectations. Instead of waiting around for guys to text you, why not keep yourself occupied with other things? Meet up with family or friends. Dedicate more time to your interests. You might even want to indulge in some self-care and pampering as a treat.
Step 2. Date guys who are genuinely interested and walk away if they’re not
If you suspect that the guys you’ve been texting or dating aren’t really that keen to have a relationship with you, then it’s important to pick up on that. There’s no point in obsessing over a guy who’s not texting you because he’s just not that into you. You deserve someone who wants the relationship just as much as you do. If he’s dry texting and just doesn’t seem that interested, walk away.
Step 3. If you’re dating a guy and you’re confident things are going well but he’s ‘bad at texting’ then you can bring it up with him
Every relationship requires effort from both people in order to understand each other and overcome each other’s differences. As mentioned previously, good communication is essential for both people to feel understood, appreciated and cared for. If you’re happy with your relationship with this guy but feel that his texting etiquette is somewhat lacking, then it’s reasonable to have an open and honest discussion with him.
Here are some examples of what you can say:
- “I really like you and enjoy spending time together. I noticed that when we’re apart, you (describe the aspect of his texting that you’re not quite happy about). Sometimes it makes me feel (describe how it makes you feel).”
- “I’m not sure if you realized but usually when you text me (describe his texting style). I do sometimes wonder whether (describe any doubts or concerns you have). I was wondering if it’s because you don’t have time to text me more often?”
Conclusion
In summary, if you’re wondering ‘why are guys so bad at texting?’ it’s important to remember that what constitutes ‘bad’ texting behaviour is very subjective. It could be because you have high standards relating to how often a guy should text you. Or, it could be because you chat to guys who unfortunately aren’t that interested, hence they aren’t bothered to text you often.
If this is a guy that you’re in a relationship with, it’s possible that the two of you have different communication styles and him being ‘bad at texting’ is completely unrelated to his feelings for you. In this situation, you may wish to bring up any issues you have with his texting style in an open and non-judgmental way. By doing this, you can explore his reasons for texting the way he does and gain his perspective on the relationship, too.
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