Do you feel guilty about ghosting a friend? Perhaps, in retrospect, you now realize that ghosting them wasn’t the best way of ending the friendship. Or you may even miss their company and regret cutting them out of your life. At the time, you may have felt that ghosting this friend was a reasonable option or even that they deserved it. However, if you now feel guilty, chances are, you probably should have been more respectful.
Here are 3 reasons why you may feel guilty for ghosting a friend
Reason 1. Your friend deserved better
Whether or not this was a lifelong friend or someone you’d met more recently, they were a part of your life. You must have enjoyed each other’s company to an extent, otherwise you wouldn’t have been friends. Even if they were at fault or you had valid reasons for ending the friendship, you may look back and feel that they did not deserve to be ghosted.
Ghosting a friend who did not deserve it is harsh and gives them zero opportunity to find out what went wrong. This friend likely felt hurt and struggled to gain closure afterwards. Perhaps you now realize that, despite your differences, your friend did deserve a proper explanation as to why you wanted to end the friendship. Even if the friendship was not meant to be, you may feel that ghosting them was disrespectful and they at least deserved an honest dialogue plus an opportunity to ask questions.
Reason 2. You still care about them
Even if you are no longer friends with this person, you may still care about them deep down. It’s possible that after ghosting them, you have been thinking about that your actions had on them. You may feel guilty about causing them pain and confusion by ghosting them. If this friend was keen to continue the friendship and did little to warrant being ghosted, they may have been especially upset when you ghosted them out of the blue.
Reason 3. You miss their friendship
Whatever your reasons were for ghosting this friend, you may now appreciate the value of their friendship after losing them. Perhaps you feel that ghosting them was overly harsh and you should have tried harder to work on the friendship. You may miss this friend and the fun times you had together. Maybe the two of you shared inside jokes or had things in common that you enjoyed chatting to them about. However, since you ghosted them, you probably now feel that there’s no going back and there is no way of salvaging the friendship.
Related: How Does The Ghoster Feel After Ghosting Someone? The 10 Deciding Factors
If you feel guilty for ghosting a friend, here are a few things that you can do to try and put things right.
1. How to apologize for ghosting a friend
Apologizing to a friend for ghosting them can be hard. Why? Because it’s difficult for most of us to admit that we were wrong. By apologizing, you’ll be admitting that ghosting them was disrespectful and hurtful. Plus, after having zero communication between you, who knows how they will respond? you’ll be creating the possibility of them questioning or even hurling angry remarks towards you. It’s normal to have complicated feelings if you’re considering apologizing to a friend for ghosting them.
If you’ve ghosted a friend, why bother apologizing at all?
When it comes to ghosting, apologies are difficult but can be worthwhile if they:
- Allow the person who was ghosted to regain dignity
- Let the ghostee know that you understand your wrongdoing
- Allow both people to gain closure and move past the conflict
- Reduce stress for both people
- Help the person who was ghosted to forgive the ghoster
Here’s how to apologize if you feel guilty for ghosting a friend
- Take responsibility for your actions e.g. “I cut you out without any explanation”
- Acknowledge how ghosting them may have made them feel “I realize this may have been hurtful”
- Say that you’re sorry: “I’m truly sorry”
- If you like, you can let them know you are not seeking anything by apologizing, e.g. “I’m not expecting you to forgive me but I just wanted to let you know.”
Example apology for ghosting a friend:
“Hey. I know we haven’t spoken for a while, but I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for ghosting you previously. It was disrespectful. Even though we had our differences, you deserved better. I should have had a proper conversation with you so we could work things out. I don’t expect a reply but I just wanted to let you know that I am sorry and hope everything is going well with you.”
Related: How to Apologize for Ghosting Someone You Dated: 4 Simple Steps
2. After apologizing, do not expect them to reply or forgive you
Even if you end up spending ages mulling over what to say to your friend and have come up with the perfect apology, don’t expect anything from them. Regardless of what happened during your friendship, the fact that you ghosted them is likely good enough reason for them to never speak to you again. They may simply leave you on read and that’s that.
It’s possible that your friend will appreciate your apology and even reply. However, you should also be prepared for the possibility that they might respond angrily and tell you to leave them alone. They may also have questions about your friendship and why you ghosted them. It will be up to you as to how you wish to deal with your friend if they do respond. Bearing in mind that you feel guilty for ghosting them, you’ll want to be respectful and listen to what they have to say.
Remember that you can’t turn back time or change the fact that you ghosted this friend. However, by sending them a sincere apology, at least you can rest assured that you’ve at least tried to take responsibility for your actions and put things right.
3. If you choose not to apologize that’s ok, too. You can treat this experience as a lesson learned and simply wish your friend well.
What if you feel that apologizing isn’t the right thing to do in your situation? Maybe a lot of time has passed since you ghosted this friend. You may feel that by contacting them, you’d be re-opening old wounds. Or, you may feel that apologizing to them would only create the burden of having to think about what happened between the two of you. Some people who are ghosted would certainly prefer to have nothing to do with the person who ghosted them ever again.
Whether or not you choose to apologize to this friend, take a moment to think about them and wish them well in your heart. Be grateful for the friendship you had and the good times you shared together. Even if they are no longer in your life now and things didn’t end in an ideal way, you can still wish them the best in the future.
Take this experience as an opportunity for self-reflection
If you feel guilty for ghosting a friend, it shows that your actions did not live up to your personal standards and values. Feeling guilty is usually due to your conscience reminding you to act respectfully or morally and in line with what you believe is right and wrong. However, what’s done is done.
Rather than focusing on the guilt or regret you feel after ghosting your friend, ask yourself “what would I do if I had a conflict or wanted to end a friendship in the future? What can I do instead of ghosting them?”
Here are some suggestions on how to deal with conflict with friends:
- Open and honest communication: express your thoughts and feelings honestly without attacking or blaming the other person e.g. “I felt hurt when you didn’t invite me to the group dinner”
- Ask open-ended questions e.g. “what did you mean when you said that?” or “what was your reason for doing that?”
- Listen to what they have to say without interrupting
- Approach the situation with a view to resolving conflict and understanding each other
A final note on feeling guilty for ghosting a friend
It’s common to feel guilty for ghosting a friend, especially if this was a friend who meant a lot to you, or if you felt they deserved better. It is possible to apologize for ghosting a friend and, in some cases, the ghostee may appreciate this. However, it’s understandable if you feel that reaching out to apologize may cause more harm than good.
Regardless of how you choose to proceed, it’s good to treat this experience as an opportunity for self-reflection and personal growth. By asking yourself why you feel guilty for ghosting your friend and considering how you could have better dealt with the situation, you’ll be better equipped to deal with any future conflict with friends.
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