It can be hurtful or even infuriating if you’ve been ghosted by someone you were dating. Regardless of how long the two of you dated, if the relationship meant something to you, it will hurt. Ghosting is cowardly as the ghoster takes the easy way out and avoids any of the awkwardness and emotion associated with breakups.
For the person on the receiving end, being ghosted can feel like a slap in the face. This is someone you may have opened up to and trusted. Breaking up sucks but doing so is necessary if one person no longer wants to continue the relationship. Ghosting is cowardly because the ghoster lacks the guts to tell the other person directly how they feel. They do not need to be vulnerable, nor do they need to see the other person in an emotional state.
Why is breaking up with someone so difficult?
Most of us hate breakups. Why? In the case of a one-sided breakup, it’s really hard to look someone in the eye and tell them you no longer want to be with them. The other person clearly has feelings for you, otherwise they would not be with you. The person initiating the breakup needs to brace themselves for the other person’s emotional reaction, which may include sadness, shock or even anger.
Aside from having to deal with an emotionally charged situation, the person initiating the breakup may face a lot of questioning. Common questions asked during a breakup include:
- Why are you breaking up with me?
- Did you really like (or love) me at all?
- Is there someone else you’re interested in?
- When you told me (“you cared about me”, “you loved me” or “I should meet your family one day” or “we should do X in the future” etc) did you mean it?
- Will you reconsider?
- What can I do to change your mind about breaking up with me?
Here are 5 reasons why ghosting is cowardly
Reason 1. The ghoster lacks the guts to look the other person in the eye and tell them that they want to break up
Even if someone has strong reasons for breaking up with the other person, the actual process of breaking up can be nerve-wracking and awkward. It takes courage to tell someone that you are dumping them. Breaking up with someone is difficult because it requires one to be honest and accountable. Someone who ghosts instead of breaking up properly is cowardly because they are completely avoiding the stress associated with breakups.
Reason 2. Ghosting someone instead of breaking up properly means the ghoster does not need to witness or deal with the other person’s emotional response
Even if both people saw the breakup coming, breakups can be tough for both people. The person initiating the breakup may feel guilty for causing the other person pain. Ghosting is cowardly because the ghoster does not need to see how the breakup has affected the other person. They simply turn a blind eye to the other person’s feelings. The ghoster does not need to witness the effect that their actions have had on the other person. They do not need to console or comfort the other person, which can be challenging.
Reason 3. The ghoster can avoid being asked difficult questions about the relationship
Ghosting someone instead of breaking up formally means that the ghoster can avoid the other person’s questions. If the ghoster had given the other person the impression that they were very keen on the relationship, then it’s far more likely the other person will feel confused and shocked at being broken up with.
It can be stressful and awkward if the person being broken up with has lots of questions. These kinds of discussions can easily become intense and emotionally charged. Ghosting is cowardly because the ghoster essentially avoids the other person’s questions about the relationship. They do not need to clarify any misunderstandings that the other person may have. The ghoster does not need to explain any of their behaviour during the relationship.
Reason 4. If the ghoster did anything dishonest during the relationship e.g. lying or cheating, they can escape owning up to it
Ghosting is especially cowardly if the ghoster had been dishonest during the relationship. If the ghoster had lied to the other person or acted dishonestly in any way, it’s possible that they ghosted in order to avoid the other person finding out. By cutting off communication instead of breaking up properly, they avoid being held accountable for their actions. Furthermore, they do not need to apologize for any less-than-ideal behaviour.
Reason 5. Often, the ghoster knows deep down that the other person deserves better
Breaking up properly shows respect towards the other person. Ideally, one should break up with another person in person and in a private place. This shows that one has put time and thought into the situation. It shows that the relationship meant something to them and that they care enough to deal with the other person’s reaction to the breakup.
Ghosting is cowardly because the ghoster usually knows that the other person deserves far, far better. This is especially the case if the two of you had been dating for a while or were in a formal relationship. Even though there are no set rules when it comes to dating, it’s considered general decency to break up with someone properly by telling them: a. you wish to end the relationship and b. your reasons for doing so.
Related: Why Was I Ghosted After A Year Of Dating?
“The guy I dated for four months ghosted me. This is why I think ghosting is cowardly.”
“I was dating a guy for four months and thought things were going pretty well. We never formally established the relationship as being ‘official’ but we spent a lot of time together. We would meet up several times a week and often spent time at each other’s places.
I had no clue that he wasn’t into the relationship at all. The whole time, he seemed really keen. He would often tell me how much he liked me and that he was lucky he had me in his life. He would make suggestions about things we should do together in the future- places we should visit, trips we should go on etc.”
Related: Been Ghosted For ‘No Reason’? This May Be Why.
“He often had other girls hanging around him”
“I did sometimes wonder whether he saw us as being exclusive. He often had other girls hanging aroung him. Sometimes, I noticed other girls texting him but he would always brush this off and say they were ‘just friends.’ There were also many times where girls would leave flirty comments on his Instagram posts. However, I put my worries aside and decided to focus on enjoying the present moment.”
“It took a while to realize I’d been ghosted”
“It took a while to realize I’d been ghosted. One day, he suddenly stopped replying to my messages. The previous week, he declined meeting up and said he was really swamped with work. It felt a bit odd but I figured that since we’d spent so much time together for the last couple of months, surely our relationship was still ongoing. It was a really weird feeling. He would send short, flakey messages. Then he stopped messaging all together. After two weeks of feeling things were ‘off’ I realized I’d been ghosted.
I felt really hurt that the relationship meant so little to him. It would have been painful to be broken up with in person but at least I would have known the reality of the situation. I think he ghosted me because he was guilty of leading me on and didn’t want to be called out. He absolutely led me to believe that he was really into me. I was really good to him during the relationship and basically treated him like a boyfriend even though we hadn’t established that.”
“He didn’t have the guts to deal with breaking up”
“He obviously ghosted me because he knew I’d be pissed, confused and hurt and didn’t have the guts to deal with it. I did nothing but treat him well during our relationship. Nor did he want to deal with me asking him what the hell the last four months was about. I also suspected that he had been seeing other girls. I guess ghosting was a super easy way out for him. He managed to get rid of me without even having a single conversation about breaking up. How convenient for him.”
Sarah, 27.
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