If you’ve ghosted someone, here’s what ghosting says about you, the ‘ghoster.’ Understandably, many relationships just aren’t meant to be. Unless this person ends up becoming your long-term partner or lifelong friend, many relationships will naturally come to an end. Ghosting after chatting on a dating app or meeting once or twice is relatively common. However, in modern dating, ghosting has become a far too easy way of ditching actual relationships.
Unfortunately, most of the time, ghosters simply lack basic decency by not explaining that they wish to end things. While the ghoster walks away unscathed, the person being ghosted may experience a great deal of pain that could have been avoided.
If you’ve ghosted someone, this is what it says about you.
1. You no longer want this person in your life
Ghosting someone demonstrates clearly that you want to end the relationship with the other person. It could be that the relationship started out well and you initially had feelings for them. However, something changed over time. Perhaps, you discovered their annoying habits, or you realized you are looking for different things. It’s possible they even did something that gave you serious cause for concern. Overall, the negatives outweighed the positives. As a result, you decided that you no longer wanted anything to do with them.
The other possibility is that you really hadn’t spent a great deal of time with the other person. It certainly wasn’t an official ‘relationship.’ Perhaps you had only met once or twice, or maybe you’d only exchanged some messages on a dating app. If you only know the other person very superficially, it probably is not necessary to explain in person that you no longer wish to continue. In the future, it may be worthwhile sending a quick message saying something along the lines of: “Hey! Thanks for meeting with me but I’m not interested in continuing. Take care!”
2. You found ghosting an easier option than breaking up in person
Usually when someone wants to end a relationship, the courteous way would be to speak to the other person and explain why. Doing so gives the other person a chance to ask questions or clarify any misunderstandings. It also allows the other person to gain closure. Hopefully, they will understand that it is officially over and leave with some insight into why you ended it.
It takes a certain amount of preparation and time to end a relationship in person. No one enjoys breakups. You may fear that they will become upset or angry. This is especially true if the other person had put a lot of effort into the relationship. Ghosting someone shows that you are not willing to accept responsibility for your actions. You also lack respect for the other person’s feelings and the pain it may cause them.
When you ghost someone, you may be avoiding the drama of a proper ‘breakup.’ You do not have to deal with their emotional outbursts or questions. Therefore, in some ways, ghosting is a convenient, easy option for Ghosters. Unfortunately, it often leaves the other person feeling confused as to what happened and unable to gain closure. The person being ghosted may suffer from feelings of anger, rejection and worthlessness. It may even come back to haunt you later on if they end up really wrecked by what happened.
3. You never wanted anything serious
Perhaps you saw the relationship as a casual thing all along, with no intention of taking things further. As you spent more time with them, it made you nervous as their expectations seemed to be growing over time. Or, perhaps you’re a commitment-phobe. Instead of telling them that you never saw a future, ghosting seemed an easier option in ensuring it was over.
Serial Ghosters have the bad habit of repeatedly starting relationships and then ghosting. If this is you, you may be able to walk away without a second thought each time. However, it’s worth considering that your actions may be causing serious psychological damage to others. This is especially the case if the other person had strong feelings for you.
4. You had genuine concerns about the other person’s behaviour
Occasionally, a person may feel that ghosting is the only option to end the relationship. This may be the case if the ghoster feels that the other person has lied or been manipulative. It’s possible that the other person’s behaviour triggered alarm bells. Perhaps you have previously tried addressing problems in the relationship (or even breaking up) to no avail. In these cases, you may feel ghosting is the only way to protect yourself from potential harm.
“I met a guy who told me he had recently come out of a serious relationship. A few weeks into dating him, I found out from a friend who had seen him out with another girl. After a bit of Facebook stalking, we found the girl. She was regularly posting pictures of them together, acting very couple-y. Turns out they were still together. I decided to ghost him and move on. Why should I have wasted anymore time with him? Surely I did not owe him any explanation after he deceived me.” Kat, 28.
Conclusion
With ghosting, the person being ghosted firstly questions whether they have really been ghosted (or whether you are busy). Then, they may even worry about your wellbeing (“did something happen to him?” Following this, they might wonder about the state of your relationship and whether it’s truly over. This can cause them to repeatedly agonize over whether to reach out to you. They may question whether it was something they did that caused you to cut off contact. When it dawns on them that you are gone, forever, they then feel angry that you didn’t even take the time to tell them it’s over. Even once they get over being ghosted, it’s possible they still harbour resentment towards you.
In the majority of circumstances, ghosting is a selfish and insensitive way of ending a relationship. It denies the other person closure and can cause them long lasting psychological damage. If you have ghosted someone, it’s important to realize the effect it may have on the other person. Break-ups are certainly uncomfortable, but most people will appreciate you taking the time (and having the guts) to end things in person. Although someone being broken up with is unlikely to be happy or feel all of their questions have been answered, they at least know with certainty that it is over.
If you are thinking of ghosting someone, think long and hard about whether it’s the fair thing to do. In almost all circumstances, the answer is probably no.
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