Updated: 28th April 2023
Feeling guilty after ghosting someone you dated? Perhaps after some reflection, you’ve realized that your actions were inconsiderate and selfish (sorry, but it’s true!). Now, you’ve decided you want to apologize for ghosting them. Chances are, if the other person had any feelings for you, they were annoyed or disappointed by your actions. They may have even been devastated at the loss of the relationship and the fact that you suddenly cut them off.
There’s no better time than now to take responsibility for your actions
If you are looking to apologize for ghosting them, it is good that you are now willing to take responsibility for your actions. Deep down, they may be pleased that you’ve owned up to ghosting them. It may even help to dispel any negativity or hard feelings they may harbour towards you. However, it’s important to consider that the other person may not respond positively, if they do respond at all. Here are four simple steps to follow if you wish to apologize for ghosting someone.
Related: 5 Reasons Ghosting Is Cowardly When It Comes To Dating
How to apologize for ghosting someone Step One: Identify what you did
This may be something like:
- Not responding to their messages and blocking them on Whatsapp
- Failing to reply their texts and phone calls
- Cutting them off abruptly with no warning sign
- Giving the other person the impression that you were interested even though you weren’t and then disappearing
How to apologize for ghosting someone Step Two: Consider the reasons why you ghosted them
Examples of this include:
- You felt the two of you were incompatible but couldn’t bring yourself to break up with them in person
- Perhaps you were worried they would be very upset if you ended things and were scared to deal with it
- It didn’t feel like the relationship going anywhere and could not be bothered to have a formal discussion
- You met someone else and didn’t want to explain
- You met someone else
- You couldn’t be bothered to deal with any potential drama
- You had other things going on in your life that made it difficult to continue dating
How to apologize for ghosting someone Step Three: Understand that the other person may not appreciate your apology, nor may they reply
If you’ve ghosted someone, chances are, they may never want to hear from you again. Do not have any expectations that they will reply saying they forgive you or that they are cool with everything. After all, you ghosted them. They may have been upset by your actions and likely felt disrespected. They’ve almost certainly moved on from your relationship and probably do not want to hear from you. Basically, they have no reason to care for your apology. However, if you still wish to apologize, do so without expectations. It is possible that they will respect the fact that you made an effort to make amends.
Related: How to Cancel a Date: 10 Top Tips
How to apologize for ghosting someone Step Four: Prepare an apology
A good apology takes responsibility for your actions, acknowledges you were wrong and expresses remorse. (Ordinarily, an apology may suggest how you intend to put things right, however, this is less applicable as after ghosting someone as the relationship is already over). Make sure you are sincere and not half-hearted. The most important thing is to admit your wrongdoing and genuinely apologize for ghosting them. Some people may prefer to write an actual apology letter for ghosting as opposed to sending a message. See the following examples:
How to Apologize for Ghosting Example 1
“Hey, I know we haven’t spoken for a while. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for the way I dealt with things previously. It was inconsiderate of me to simply not respond to your messages and wait for you to figure out it was over. At the time, I felt that if I told you in person, it would be uncomfortable. I now realize that this was immature and selfish of me. You deserved an explanation. I would like to apologize for my behaviour. It probably would have saved you some time if I was upfront with you. I do not expect any reply but I just wanted you to know that I am sorry.”
How to Apologize for Ghosting Example 2
“Hi, hope that you’re doing well. After reflecting on the situation, I realized that it was selfish of me to end things by blocking you on Whatsapp. At the time, I thought it would be an easier way to break up, as I felt we were incompatible. I stupidly thought it would be better to avoid an awkward situation. However, I now know that this was rude and totally did not consider how it would make you feel. The proper thing to do would have been to discuss things with you and give you an opportunity to say anything you wanted to say, too. I was wrong and I am sorry for how I handled things. I understand that you may not care for my apology but I do hope that everything is going well with you. All the best.”
How to Apologize for Ghosting Someone You Dated Example 3
Hey, I just wanted to reach out and say that I should have had the courtesy to explain why I wanted to end things between us. I wasn’t in the mental frame of mind to continue dating as I have a lot going on right now. It was rude to just stop messaging and probably leave you wondering what happened. I’m sorry for my behaviour. It was unfair towards you and you deserved better. I don’t expect you to reply but hope that you’re doing well.
How to Apologize for Ghosting Someone You Dated Example 4
Hi I’d like to apologize for disappearing before without any explanation. I didn’t feel that we were compatible in the long-term. It would have been far better if I’d just been upfront with you rather than failing to reply. I’m sorry if this caused you any confusion or hurt. I understand that you probably don’t want to speak to me but I am truly sorry. Wishing you well.
Apologizing for ghosting someone you dated won’t be easy
Apologizing for ghosting is not an easy thing to do. It requires you taking responsibility for your actions and admitting you were wrong. While it does not necessarily make things ‘right,’ at least you have owned up to your mistake. Apologizing also shows some consideration towards how your actions may have affected the other person.
A note of caution: It’s possible that if you apologize for ghosting someone you dated, the other person might react badly
It’s certainly possible that even after you send a well thought out, decent apology for ghosting, the other person may want to give you a piece of their mind. The other person is more likely to respond negatively to your apology if:
- You dated for a while (and you ghosting them was truly an asshole move)
- They had strong feelings for you
- You treated them badly in the relationship
- They struggled to accept the end of the relationship
- They are still angry about being ghosted
You’ll need to be prepared for the possibility that the other person has a LOT to say in response to your apology. They may still be angry or hurt at the fact that you ghosted them. Their self-esteem could have taken a huge hit when you ghosted them. As a result, your apology may trigger any feelings of anger and resentment they hold towards you.
The other person may have unanswered questions
Aside from expressing their frustration at being ghosted, it’s even possible that they may ask you questions about why you ghosted them. This is more likely if they struggled to gain closure and still have many unanswered questions. They may even demand detailed explanations for your actions during the course of the relationship.
Ultimately, it’s completely up to you how you deal with them if they end up reacting angrily or pressing you for answers. Ideally, you’ll be able to reiterate that you are sorry for ghosting them and that you regret your actions. There’s no need to have an in-depth conversation with them if that’s not what you want.
Generally speaking, though, sincerely apologizing for ghosting is unlikely to make the situation any worse
On the plus side, given that the relationship between the two of you is already over, apologizing for ghosting is unlikely to make the situation worse. Chances are, they’ve already moved on with their life and are no longer thinking of you. Even if they do not acknowledge your message or reply, they may still appreciate a sincere apology. Furthermore, if you felt guilt after ghosting them, apologizing may allow you to move on, too.
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