Updated: 28th April 2023
If you’ve been chatting with someone online but simply not feeling it, your best bet is to end the conversation in a polite way. Sure, many people do opt to simply ghost the person they’ve been messaging. However, you’ll never go wrong if you send a respectful message to end the online dating conversation.
Maintaining good online dating etiquette is win-win
Being honest with the other person will save them investing any further time into messaging you and waiting for replies. With online dating, it’s easy to hide behind a screen. However, maintaining good online dating etiquette when dealing with prospects is a good long term strategy. Why not take the opportunity to create good karma for yourself?
When is a good time to end an online dating conversation?
The simple answer is: as soon as you realize you are no longer interested. Sometimes it takes time to figure out how interested you are in someone. It may take a fair amount of conversation and learning more about the other person to decide. However, you may reach a point where you feel you’re simply no longer interested. Perhaps you don’t feel the two of you have enough in common. Alternatively, it could be that the conversation doesn’t flow well. You may find yourself becoming less and less interested over time.
If you have zero interest in meeting up with them, there’s no point in continuing chatting
If you find that after your online dating conversation, you simply have no desire to meet up with them in person, this is telling. The reality is that you are not that interested. Even if you don’t mind chatting to them as a time-killer, this is far from having true interest in someone. If your goal with online dating is to find someone to date in real life, it’s rather pointless to continue the conversation with someone whom you have no intention of meeting.
Remember: You have no obligation to continue the conversation
The appropriate time to end an online dating conversation is any point at which you lose interest in chatting with them. Sure, it’s possible you may have been exchanging messages for weeks (or even months). However, you really do not need to feel committed or obligated to continuing the conversation. Even if the other person seems very keen, you do not owe them anything. You (and the other person) are far better off ending things if you are simply not feeling it. The last thing you want to do is give them false hope.
Why might someone want to end an online dating conversation?
Online dating (or websites) offer a vast sea of prospects. It takes time and effort to filter through the sheer volume of profiles you’ll come across. People on these platforms will be extremely diverse, in terms of age, backgrounds, personality types. There is also huge variation in what people are looking for. You’ll end up chatting to possibly hundreds of potential dates but only end up clicking with a few, if you’re lucky.
You’re looking for different things
Some people view online dating as a way of killing time. They may enjoy the prospect of messaging cuties as a form of entertainment when they are bored. It’s possible they have zero intention of even meeting up with anyone in real life. On the other hand, some people have serious intentions with online dating. They may be looking for their next committed relationship. If you’ve been engaging in conversation with someone and it becomes clear there is a discrepancy in what you’re both looking for, it’s probably time to move on.
They’re just not your type
Even though messaging on a dating platform is very different to meeting someone in real life, you should get some sense about their personality. Furthermore, you should be able to gauge your interest level. Perhaps they just seem dull or not engaging enough for you. Or, they could even be too full on and come across as desperate. Perhaps after chatting for a while you feel that they are just not your type of person. You may feel it’s pointless continuing the conversation when it’s clearly not going to go anywhere.
They are lukewarm
If the person you’ve been messaging is inconsistent or doesn’t seem that interested, this might be off-putting. Perhaps they never suggest meeting up in person, or they seem to avoid the topic of meeting up all together. If you are seeking in-person meetings (which most people are), this can be frustrating. After a while, you may feel it’s pointless continuing the conversation. If the other person is clearly not that interested, they may be messaging you simply to kill time. There’s not much point continuing if you can tell they are just not that bothered.
They are offensive or inappropriate
Unfortunately, you may encounter people who send rude or inappropriate messages. There is absolutely no excuse for this and you should not tolerate it. It’s important to protect yourself from people with unacceptable behaviour. If this is happening to you, stop communicating with them immediately and if necessary, block them. Most dating apps have avenues in which you can report abusive behaviour if necessary.
How to end an online dating conversation: 6 steps
Generally speaking, you should bear in mind the following things when ending an online dating conversation.
- Treat people how you would like to be treated yourself.
- Be polite. Just because you’re never going to see this person, it does not mean you should be rude or obnoxious. It’s always better to let someone down politely.
- Be firm. Make it clear that you have made your decision and no longer wish to continue the online dating conversation.
- Don’t give false hope. Your message should be conclusive and not give the other person false hope.
- Accept that you have no control over their reaction. The vast majority of people will accept you ending things and be cool with it. Unfortunately, some people may react badly and express sadness or disappointment. There is not much you can do about this.
- If they send offensive or inappropriate messages, stop communicating. It may be wise to block them and report them to the dating app or website.
Examples of how to end an online dating conversation
“I really enjoyed chatting and getting to know you a bit. However, I don’t think this is going to go anywhere. I think it’s best we end our conversation here. Take care.”
“I appreciate the opportunity to get to know you. I don’t feel we have much in common and I’m not interested in pursuing this any further. All the best.”
“It was fun getting to know you. I’ve met someone else who I think is a good fit and am moving forwards with them. Good luck!”
“I think we are looking for different things so I don’t want to pursue this any further.”
“It was nice chatting but I don’t think we are a good match. Good bye.”
“You seem like a really cool person but I don’t see this going anywhere. It’s best we end things here.”
“I don’t think I’m the most suitable match for you but wishing you good luck for your search!”
“It’s been nice getting to know you but I’m not interested so I think it’s better we end our conversation here.”
What to do if you’ve tried to end an online dating conversation and the other person still doesn’t get it
Occasionally some persistent matches may still not get the message even after you explain that you are no longer interested. They may continue messaging you repeatedly, in which case you have every right to delete or block them. If they become offensive, you may even want to report them to the online dating app.
Finally managed to end the online dating conversation? Great!
If you were polite yet firm, the other person will most likely understand and not contact you again. Now you can move on with your online dating journey.
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