If you’ve been chatting to a guy in hopes of establishing a relationship with him, only to be told ‘not interested,’ you’ll likely be disappointed. Whether this is a guy you’ve matched with on a dating app or someone you’ve already met in real life, you may be wondering what to reply when a guy says ‘not interested.’ Is it better to say nothing? Should you ask him why he’s not interested? Or should you wish him well and move on?
Contents:
- What exactly does it mean when a guy says he’s ‘not interested’?
- Why would a guy say he’s not interested?
- Does it mean that there’s no hope forever?
- When deciding what to reply when a guy says ‘not interested,’ here are the 6 key things to remember
- Here’s what to reply when a guy says ‘not interested’
- I feel really disappointed by the fact that this guy told me he’s not interested. What should I do?
What exactly does it mean when a guy says he’s ‘not interested’?
When a guy says he’s ‘not interested,’ it’s clear that he does not want a relationship with you. He does not wish to continue communicating with you, even as a friend. Many guys who are not keen on a girl will opt to not respond, or to ghost them, hoping the girl will take a hint. However, a guy who clearly states he is ‘not interested’ is sending a very clear message that he does not want you to continue communicating with him.
Why would a guy say he’s not interested?
Here are 5 common as to why a guy may say he’s not interested
- He does not like you in a romantic way, nor does he want to be your friend
- You’re not his type, either appearance-wise or personality wise
- He likes someone else
- He’s already in a relationship
- He is not open to dating anyone at the moment. This could be due to all sorts of wide-ranging reasons, such as being immersed in work, recovering from a bad break up, having personal or family issues, the list goes on.
Related: Online Dating: 5 Signs He’s Not Interested
Does it mean that there’s no hope forever?
It’s arguable that, in relationships, very few things are 100%. However, a guy telling you he is not interested in you is a strong ‘no.’ If you like this guy a lot, you may not want to believe this. He may have even given you the impression previously that he was keen. You may even be wondering “but why did he do x or say y to me before if he wasn’t interested?”.
It’s important to put your emotions aside for a moment and listen to what he is telling you. He is NOT interested. While there is a possibility that things might change in the future, it’s not worth your while holding out for a guy who has clearly rejected you.
When deciding what to reply when a guy says ‘not interested,’ here are the 6 key things to remember
1. He does not want a relationship with you
This guy is being honest with you in telling you that he does not want a relationship with you. He does not want you to continue messaging him, nor does he want to meet up. Bearing this in mind, it does not make sense at all to try and continue a conversation with him.
2. Just because he’s not interested in you, it does not mean that you’ve done anything wrong
Understandably, it can be hard to be rejected by a guy that you like. It may be tempting to wonder if you should have played your cards differently. However, as long as you were true to yourself and didn’t say anything offensive or overbearing to him, it’s unlikely you did anything wrong.
3. Realize that rejection is a part of life
Every single person will experience being rejected at some point, especially during dating. Rejection in a romantic context has been recognized as being a painful experience by psychologists (Finkel & Baumeister, 2019). However, it’s something that almost everyone must accept and deal with. Remember that rejection in dating is purely a sign of incompatibility between two people. Either you are not what this guy is looking for in a romantic partner or he’s not in the right place to get involved with you.
4. It’s far better that he told you he’s not interested rather than pretending to be interested or ghosting you
Even if the truth can be brutal at times, it’s far better to deal with a guy who speaks his mind and is direct with you. Since he’s already told you he’s not interested, you no longer need to invest anymore effort into chatting with him. Imagine if he’d spent time pretending to be interested in you, only for you to find out much later that he wasn’t keen? Or, imagine if he’d ghosted you instead? Being ghosted can cause someone to feel more embarrassed than being rejected directly. This is because the ghostee usually wastes days wondering if something had happened to the other person before finally figuring out that it’s over.
5. You are high-value individual that deserves to be with someone who loves spending time with you and appreciates what you have to offer
Most importantly, remember that you are a unique, high-value person with plenty to offer. If this guy does not appreciate what you have to offer, it just means that the two of you are incompatible. It does not mean that he’s done anything wrong by rejecting you. Nor does it mean that anything has changed about you as a person.
Relationships are all about compatibility and mutual respect. Both people need to enjoy spending time with each other and feel the value in the relationship for things to work out. Since this guy is stating clearly that he does not want a relationship with you, it’s important to respect that. If you are not what he wants, so be it. Since you deserve to be with someone who values you, it’s clear that he is not the right guy for you.
6. There are plenty of other guys who will value you
Yes, it understandably sucks when you’ve been rejected by a guy who you thought was special and you were interested in. It may sound cliché but there truly are many more fish in the sea. The world has over 7 billion people in it and there will certainly be other guys who are your type and are interested in you, too.
Here’s what to reply when a guy says ‘not interested’
1. Short but sweet responses that maintain your dignity
“Sure, I understand. Take care.”
“Thanks for letting me know. It was nice chatting to you.”
“No worries!”
“Thank you for your honesty.”
If this guy does not like you, it’s his right to not have a relationship with you. Keeping things simple and acknowledging his rejection but wishing him well is a good option. It shows that you respect his point of view, accept the situation, and do not harbour any negative feelings towards him.
By ending the conversation there and then, it sends the message that you are not desperate for anyone who does not value you equally. You can maintain your dignity and move on.
2. The inquisitive response
“That’s fine. Would you be able to tell me why?”
“I’m disappointed to hear that, may I ask why?”
If you accept that he’s not interested but want to understand his reasons, you may wish to ask him why. Perhaps you thought the conversation had been going well between the two of you and being rejected came as a surprise. Or, maybe he strongly gave you the impression that he was interested.
It’s important to ask in an inquisitive way and avoid being pushy or overbearing. Frankly, he has the right to not answer your questions. The last thing you want to do is repeatedly question someone who does not care.
Also, remember that just because you are keen to know why, it does not necessarily mean he will give you any meaningful response. He may even leave you on read. If he does not reply, you may feel dismayed, but he has the right to not respond. Your best bet is to walk away.
3. The door-is-still-open response
“Sure, no worries. Feel free to get in touch if you change your mind.”
“Let me know if you ever want to hang out as friends.”
If you have it in you to leave the door open to this guy despite telling you he’s not interested, then you may offer him the option of contacting you in the future. However, given the fact he’s told you directly that he’s not interested, don’t expect too much.
4. No reply
If you feel like you have nothing else to say to this guy, then that’s fine, too. You might be struggling with what to reply when a guy says ‘not interested’ because you can’t think of anything meaningful to say. You can simply leave the conversation there and consider the relationship over. After all, a guy who’s already said he’s not interested is not someone wants you to continue the conversation.
I feel really disappointed by the fact that this guy told me he’s not interested. What should I do?
As mentioned previously, being rejected in love is very common and something most people will need to deal with at some point. There’s no quick fix to feeling rejected after being told by a guy that he’s not interested, especially if you really liked him. However, the following 4 steps will hopefully help you to move on.
- Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions you’re feeling. This may include disappointment, sadness, embarrassment or even loss. If you find it helpful, you may consider sharing your feelings with a friend or even writing down how you feel.
- Accept that the relationship between the two of you is over. This means not hoping that he will change his mind later on. It also means not living in denial and trying to convince yourself that he didn’t truly mean it when he said he wasn’t interested.
- Remind yourself that rejection is simply due to incompatibility between two people. It’s not your fault that you’re not his type or what he wants at present. For all you know, he may tend to go for the absolutely wrong types of people when it comes to love.
- Focus on moving on and have a positive attitude about the future. Since one door has shut, it means that you’ll have to forget about him and move forwards with your life. Continue living your life, do things that make you happy and put yourself out there again when you are ready.
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