Over the last decade, online dating has exploded in popularity. In the early days, online dating was viewed with caution. However, over time, online dating has grown and become a very common way for people to meet. Aside from websites such as match.com, a variety of dating apps (hello, Tinder) have emerged that allow people to swipe through potential dates on their mobile phone. However, online dating is not without its pitfalls, too. More and more people are becoming increasingly frustrated with the process of online dating, leading them to conclude that online dating sucks.
Here are 5 common reasons as to why more and more people feel that online dating sucks
Reason 1. Online dating can be overwhelming
When you meet someone new in real life, it’s pretty straight forward to chat to them and get a sense about who they are. It’s possible to gauge whether they are your type simply from the way they present themselves and how they interact with you. If they are not your type, you’ll know quite quickly. However, with online dating, you really need to invest time into filtering through hundreds (or even thousands) of profiles. Based on a few photos and limited information about their age, location and personal details, you need to make quick decisions about whether someone is your ‘type.’
The same process, over and over again
Once you match with potential dates, you then need to go through the same process multiple times. Firstly, messaging back and forth with small talk to find out more about them. Then, trying to assess how interested they are (why did they take a whole day to reply? What does it mean?) If they are interested, you’ll arrange a meeting together. Most people will match with multiple people. Therefore, you end up spending time repeating the same process with each one.
Keeping up with many matches can be tiring
Over time, it can become quite a lot to keep up with. If you have ten guys messaging you at the same time, how do you determine which one you’re most likely to click with? Even if you are keen to chat to all of them, it does become effort keeping up with all of these different people. Besides, they are almost certainly chatting with many different matches, too. Sometimes, online dating can become dating overload. This leads to people feeling overwhelmed and finding the process simply too much.
Related: Is Online Dating Worth It?
Reason 2. Online dating attracts people who are not looking for anything serious
Because of the ease at which one can set up an online dating profile, basically anyone can create a profile simply by downloading an app and adding a few pictures. This attracts people who may have created a profile on a whim or just for fun. They don’t need to invest anything into the process and they have nothing to lose, either.
Dating apps are a super easy way to match with other singles simply by sending a few messages. The fact that you are often meeting total strangers can lead some people to feel less accountable for their actions. Anything that happens between the two of you will likely never affect anything in your daily life as you can keep them completely separate. This is different to, say, meeting someone at work, or through friends.
Some people don’t consider dating apps as a way of starting a serious relationship
It is also common for people to view dating apps as somewhere to look for casual dates only. Despite their popularity, some people do not even consider dating apps as a legitimate way to start a serious relationship. Therefore, their sole intention of joining an online dating platform is to look for fun. For those genuinely looking for love, it can be disappointing to receive multiple messages from matches implying that they are looking for anything serious at all. Unfortunately, many people receive rude messages and even images that can make one question online dating completely.
What’s even worse is when one person is seeking something serious and invests time into someone they met through online dating, only to find out later that their match never had serious intentions in the first place. If this happens on several occasions, it’s easy to understand why someone in this situation may conclude that online dating sucks.
Reason 3. Too many people lie on their online dating profiles
Although it’s hard to say exactly how many people lie on their online dating profiles, it’s fair to say that lying is common. Some people may purposely wish to misrepresent themselves so as to appear more attractive to others. They may change their age or even lie about their occupation. It’s apparently common for men to lie about their height. Unfortunately, some people lie about their relationship status.
However, some people lie for other reasons that are potentially more understandable. They may be scared of being identified by people they know on the online dating platform. Or, they may not wish to disclose too much personal information for personal safety reasons. They may be new to the dating app and are just dipping their toes into the online dating world. Therefore, they are reluctant to put identifiable information about themselves as they are just looking around.
How do you know if someone is lying or not? Well, often you don’t
Regardless of people’s reasons for lying on their profiles, it can make it difficult for daters to navigate the world of online dating. Firstly, how are you supposed to make decisions about who you think is more suitable for you, if the information you are basing your judgment on is false? Also, how do you deal with it when someone you click with then reveals that they are not who they presented themselves to be? These issues are much more likely to arise from online dating, as opposed to more traditional ways of meeting people. If you meet someone through a close friend, for example, it’s very easy to verify who they are and their background. The same goes for if you meet someone through school or other activities.
In the online dating world, you need to be vigilant to scams
Online dating requires one to be much more alert to being potentially lied to or even cheated. As you have limited ways of checking this person is who they say they are, you need to tread much more carefully. If you’ve watched the Netlflix documentary ‘The Tinder Swindler’ it can be horrifying to discover the lengths people goto to lie on their online dating profiles. Online dating sucks if you’ve been scammed or catfished by someone you’ve started to develop a relationship with. It’s therefore extremely important to keep your wits about you, even if you do think you’ve met someone special.
Reason 4. Online dating is almost totally based on looks
Most online dating platforms require users to put a few photos and basic personal information on their profile. While it’s undeniable that looks do matter to most of us, it can also create somewhat of a superficial culture. The problem is that even though someone’s photo may appear appealing while we are swiping through profiles, their personality may be far from what you are looking for. Since you are basing most of your judgment on their looks, it’s easy to overlook someone who might actually be a good match. It’s difficult to tell if someone has a great personality based on a dating profile. Swiping culture means that it’s easy to write off people who may have a lot in common with you, simply because you didn’t like their photo.
Related: Why Is Online Dating So Hard?
Reason 5. Good conversation on a dating app does not necessarily translate to real life chemistry
It’s hard for any of us to go through the day without sending hundreds of messages on Whatsapp, email or other messaging apps. While messaging has become the norm of communication for most of is, it does have its shortcomings. This is especially true when you are chatting with a complete stranger from a dating app. Messaging removes a lot of the emotion and intuition that we can obtain from a face to face meeting. Sure, emojis can help, but it’s simply not the same.
For example, someone may come across as very friendly and interesting on a dating app. However, when you meet them in real life, their true personality may be the polar opposite to what you were expecting. They may have strange body language that makes you feel uncomfortable. Or, they may be unable to hold a conversation with you that flows naturally.
Each person that you match with and arrange to meet has some potential to be someone you may click with. However, if you’ve been disappointed several times after meeting your matches in real life, it can become disheartening. Sometimes after even seeing them in real life you may know from the first moment that they are simply not what you are looking for. However, you still have to sit through the date. Some people may conclude that online dating sucks when they had built up expectations of what their match would be like in real life, only to be disappointed.
Related: How to End an Online Dating Conversation
So, does online dating really suck? The jury’s out.
It’s understandable as to why some people feel that online dating sucks. Swiping through hundreds of online dating profiles can feel shallow and meaningless after a while. This is especially true if you’ve dedicated significant time into the process and are still nowhere nearer to finding what you are looking for. What’s worse is if you’ve been lied to or even cheated by someone you’ve met through online dating. If you’ve concluded that online dating is not for you, there are a multitude of different ways you can meet people in real life. Sometimes it just takes getting out there and having a positive attitude.
If you’re on the fence about online dating, there are certain benefits that online dating offers over more traditional ways of meeting people. For example, if you’re someone who has little time to spare to actively meet new people, online dating offers convenience. Also, perhaps you’ve realized that meeting people through your own social circle isn’t going to get you anywhere. Therefore, online dating becomes an attractive option, as you can really meet people you would never have met otherwise.
As with any kind of dating, it’s extremely important to always ensure your own safety. With online dating, you especially need to stay alert. For example, you should be aware of whether someone new you’ve met is consistent in the things they’ve told you. Also, always meet up in public places, especially in the beginning. You can even tell a trusted friend about your plans to meet your date.
You’ll also need some luck to succeed in online dating
Overall, online dating can be exciting but it’s not without its pitfalls, too. You’ll need to navigate the online dating world with caution, common sense and some luck in order to find what you are looking for.
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