Have you been dating a guy for a while, only to find out that he is still online dating? You are not alone. This is a very common scenario and can be confusing for the other person. It’s normal to feel upset, especially if you have strong feelings for the guy. Perhaps discovering he is still online dating came as a surprise and you are now questioning his intentions. So why do guys do it? There are a number of reasons. Some of these reasons offer more hope for your relationship than others. Here we tackle the common question: if he likes me, why is he still online dating?
He does not see your relationship as exclusive
First things first, if he is still online dating while the two even though you’ve been seeing each other, he does not view your relationship as exclusive. No matter how amazing the time you spent together has been, this is undeniable. If the knowledge that he is still online dating is hurtful for you, more than likely you have developed some feelings for him. Maybe you have stopped online dating yourself and assumed you were on the same page. Or, you’ve simply stopped entertaining other offers because you want to focus solely on your relationship with him. In this case, it will likely be a somewhat hurtful that he hasn’t done the same.
Reason 1. You are in the early stages of dating and he is not ready to make a commitment
If you are in the early stages of dating and getting to know each other, you probably have not had any discussions about your relationship’s future. Online dating is well-known for being an easy way to connect with many people. If the two of you met on an online dating app or website, it’s pretty much assumed that anyone you match with is talking to several others. However, if you feel that things are going well with someone, you will need to suss out where things are going. It can be difficult to know exactly how they view your relationship.
Perhaps he seems great and really into you. Maybe you’ve even been meeting regularly and he’s starting to become a significant part of your life. Often, we can be led to believe that a guy is very serious about us by their actions and words. However, it’s still important to communicate how you feel clearly and find out whether he is on the same page. Just because you are ready to make a commitment towards him, it does not necessarily mean he is. Just because you are ready to stop online dating with other people, it does not mean that he is. This is something that you will have to assess by having an open and honest conversation.
Related: Online dating: Guys to Avoid. Here Are 5 Guys You Must Avoid.
Reason 2. He does not want a serious relationship at all and has no intentions of stopping online dating
When it comes to online dating, everyone has different intentions and objectives. While some people may be searching for a serious, committed relationship, others are simply looking for casual dates. Unfortunately, it can sometimes be tricky working out who is looking for what. It can even be easy to be misled by guys. There are some guys who only are looking for fun but portray themselves as looking for something serious. This can be very frustrating for the other person, who will likely end up confused by their behaviour.
If, deep down, you are seeking someone that has potential to be in a serious relationship, it’s important to stay away from guys who are not seeking the same thing. You’d be better off focusing on guys who at least convey they are looking for something serious. There are many guys on online dating platforms who simply want to date and date. Even if they like you, they are not prepared to change their lifestyle. Some guys really enjoy online dating because it offers almost unlimited quick and easy dates. If they want, they can even find someone different to date every night of the week. Online dating can offer the perfect solution for guys who want to meet and date different people without having to make any big commitments.
Related: Online Dating: When to Become Exclusive
Reason 3. He is a cheater who wants to have his cake and eat it
Probably the worst scenario is if you are already in an established, committed relationship with a guy and you find out that he has secretly been online dating. You’ll likely be furiously wondering “if he likes me, why is he still online dating?” This is a betrayal of your trust and likely will cause you a great deal of hurt. Unfortunately, cheaters often have little conscience when it comes to your feelings. They are able to maintain a committed relationship with someone who cares for them, allowing them to have love and support. However, they sneakily entertain other prospects e.g. through online dating. They may be simply looking for a bit of fun on the side or they may even be looking for someone better.
It’s possible they are simply not that invested in your relationship but are happy to string you along conveniently. From their point of view, it’s no loss to them. It’s also possible that they have strong feelings for you, but still struggle to make an emotional commitment. Yes, commitment-phobes definitely exist and they are far from rare. If you’ve ended up investing significant time and effort into a relationship, only to discover that he is a commitment-phobe, this is frustrating and hurtful. This kind of situation can be difficult to tackle as you will likely feel sad to lose them completely.
If you are supposed to be in a committed relationship and he’s still online dating, this is betrayal
Ultimately, it’s a betrayal of your trust if he has been continuing online dating despite being in a serious, committed relationship with you. This will require some serious conversation to determine the extent of his online dating and his reasons. Furthermore, it would not be surprising if you wished to end things completely. Relationships are built on trust and if you feel he’s betrayed your trust and taken you for granted, it’s absolutely fair to want out.
Reason 4. He is taking things slow and hence keeping his options open
Dating can be confusing at times. It’s especially confusing if you are pondering, “if he likes me, why is he still online dating?” This is especially true during the stages where you have been seeing a guy regularly but are not quite ‘there’ yet. Perhaps you have fun dates with him and enjoy each other’s company. However, you don’t yet feel that you are a big part of his life. Maybe the vibe of your relationship is more ‘here and now’ i.e. you’re yet to discuss any future plans. This is a common question that plays on people’s minds during any new-ish relationship: What are we? Where is this going?
Many guys prioritize their freedom
Sometimes, guys intentionally control the pace of the relationship so as to not let it become too serious. A serious relationship may trigger fears of them losing their independence and needing to change their current lifestyle. By keeping you at arm’s length, he gets the best of both worlds. He can enjoy fun dates with you when he needs company but does not need to make any big commitments. Perhaps he doesn’t share a lot of things about his life, let alone involve you.
A guy who is taking things slow can maintain being a single and free man. The two of you are not in a serious relationship, even if he does enjoy dipping his toes in sometimes. It’s therefore important not to jump to conclusions and assume that your relationship is serious or exclusive, even if you like him a lot. If he is still online dating, he obviously feels that he has the freedom to do what he wants. This includes seeing other people and even becoming romantically involved with them.
Maybe he needs more time to decide
One possibility is that that he is someone who simply needs more time before making up his mind. If you’ve been on a number of dates, chances are, he does enjoy spending time with you. However, the question is: how much does he really like you? Unfortunately, it can be difficult to know the answer. It is possible that over time his feelings will grow and your relationship will progress into something serious. However, things may go the other way. Given that he is still actively dating other people, it’s certainly possible that he could meet someone else who he prefers over you.
However, do you have the patience to wait?
Unfortunately, it’s not a great situation to be in if you are on the receiving end. If you really like him you may be wondering how to deal with the situation. Firstly, you may be confused about what’s going on between you and him. Secondly, even if you are willing to wait it out and see where things go, you may ultimately end up disappointed. It’s your call as to whether you want to continue with him and see how things progress. However, be prepared that your feelings may not be reciprocated in the end. It can be tiring waiting for someone to make up their mind, especially if you are emotionally invested. Whether it’s worth it or not depends on a few factors. If you have very strong feelings for him or are the patient type, you’ll likely be more prepared to wait.
Reason 5. He’s just not that into you
It’s possible that he’s simply not that into you and is therefore continuing with online dating. Dating is often regarded as casual until both people make an implied or agreed commitment. Therefore, he likely feels it’s to be expected that he continues to see other people. Sure, there may certainly be things he likes about you otherwise he wouldn’t waste his time. However, how much does he really like you? Does he truly care about you? Or is he simply dating out of boredom? Or perhaps you’ve made it so convenient for him to continue dating (and dating) you, without any destination.
What does your gut feeling tell you?
Unfortunately, you may have to accept the reality that he is online dating because he does not like you ‘that’ much. Basically, he’s happy to see you on a casual basis but don’t expect anything substantial to materialize. If you find that your relationship tends to be more one-sided i.e. you are making significantly more effort than him, it could be that he’s just not that into you. Does he take initiative to make plans with you? Does he reach out to see how you are doing? Is he reliable? Or does he keep you at a distance and not really make you a priority? Unfortunately if you’re answering ‘yes’ to these questions, it could be that he simply does not like you that much.
Okay so he’s still online dating, but does he know how you feel about the relationship?
It’s fair to assume that if a guy you are seeing is still online dating, he does not view the relationship as exclusive. However, you should also ask yourself: how do you view the relationship? Is being exclusive with him something that you want? It could be that he was not sure what your relationship is and did not want to make any premature assumptions. Maybe you haven’t had any discussions about whether the two of you are exclusive or where the relationship is going. In this case, now may be a good time to do so.
Are you guilty of continuing to online date too?
You may wish to ask yourself honestly how you feel about your relationship with him. Have you been keeping your options open, too? Are you unsure about whether the two of you are compatible? For example, if you have reservations about whether the two of you will turn into anything serious, he may have picked up on this. Have you been continuing to online date yourself? If you have, it’s not really fair to expect that he should give up his freedom if you haven’t either. In modern dating, it’s become more of a norm to assume that things are not exclusive, unless specifically stated.
On the other hand, maybe you have developed strong feelings for him to the extent that you wish to be exclusive. Do you think that he is aware of this? It is possible that he is unaware of your true feelings and intentions. Perhaps he does not know that you are keen for a committed relationship. He may even feel that you are not serious about him and therefore has continued to keep his options open by online dating.
In both cases, it’s good to have an open and honest discussion to see how each of you view the relationship. Maybe you learn that his feelings for you are stronger than you realised. Or maybe he will understand that you are genuine in your intentions and want the relationship to progress. Either way, the truth is the truth. It’s always good to know how the other person truly feels so that you can decide how to move forwards.
If he’s still online dating and you want to understand why, you need to figure out what his feelings are about your relationship
When it comes to relationships, good communication is essential for establishing where you are at. If you’ve discovered that the guy you’ve been seeing is still online dating, it’s important to find out why. Perhaps, deep down, you always felt that you liked him a lot more than he likes you. Therefore, discovering he is still online dating may not come as a huge surprise. Or maybe you thought things were going well and becoming serious. In this case, you may be disappointed or upset. You may even be so put off by the fact that he is still online dating that you are considering breaking up.
Once you figure out why he’s still online dating, you can decide how to proceed
So, you’re one of many who have been wondering “if he likes me, why is he still online dating?” Ultimately, there are many reasons as to why he is still online dating even if he does like you. You may consider having an open and honest discussion to determine how he feels about you. It’s also worth thinking carefully about your own feelings on the relationship. Is this something that you want to pursue? Or do you see the relationship as something short-lived? Once you have a better idea about how both of you feel, then you can decide how to move forwards. Perhaps you will both realize that the relationship has no future and decide to call it quits. Or maybe you will discover that you are both comfortable with making a commitment to become exclusive.
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