So, you’ve been seeing someone that you met via online dating and things are going well. Maybe you’ve been dating for a couple of weeks or months and are wondering where things are going. If you click well with the other person and potentially see a future with them, that’s great! The next step is to figure out if they are on the same page. If you’re wondering when to become exclusive with someone from online dating, read on.
Online dating: When to become exclusive? There’s no clear cut answer.
Honestly speaking, every relationship is different. There are no rules as to when a couple ‘should’ become exclusive. A survey of 1000 Americans and Europeans suggested that around 80% of couples discuss exclusivity in dating. Single women surveyed considered 2.6 months a reasonable time frame in which they can call a relationship ‘exclusive.’
Are you truly ready to become exclusive?
Most people would agree that becoming exclusive involves two people agreeing that the relationship involves a degree of commitment. Exclusivity also requires that you both have rules regarding what you can and cannot do outside of the relationship.
If you feel ready to become exclusive with someone you’ve met from online dating, you must like the other person a lot. As a result, you want focus on the relationship and not entertain other potential options. It’s important that you are truly ready before you consider becoming exclusive someone you’ve met from online dating. How well do you know this person that you’ve met from online dating? Do you understand their character and values well? Are your lifestyles compatible? Are you emotionally ready to make a commitment to them? Are you ready to disregard interest from other people? Will you be happy to remove yourself from the dating app? These are the questions you may wish to ask yourself.
Related: How to End an Online Dating Conversation
What does becoming exclusive mean to you?
Becoming exclusive usually involves a degree of commitment between two people. Usually, both people agree to not juggle other people and entertain interest from others outside the relationship. It usually means that the two of you agree to focus on your relationship and take things more seriously. Whether you decide to call the other person your “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” or any other title is personal choice.
It’s important to ask yourself what ‘becoming exclusive’ actually means to you. Your version of exclusivity may not have the same definition as the person you are seeing. For example, does becoming exclusive mean that you are not allowed to give out your phone number to potential dates? Does becoming exclusive mean that they need to make it public on social media that you are together?
What does becoming exclusive involve when it comes to online dating?
Online daters will often wonder about exclusivity if things are going well. After a few good dates, online daters will often be curious about the other person’s activity on the dating platform. How active are they on the online dating app? Are they actively seeking other matches still? Have they been on many dates? Many dating apps allow you to see when someone was last active on the platform, which can lead one to wondering what they other person has been up to.
Many people will assume that if they become exclusive with someone from online dating, that they no longer seek out other dates using the online dating app.
Online dating: When to become exclusive: Here’s how to approach the subject.
If you are keen to become exclusive then go ahead and bring it up. It can be nerve-racking to bring up the exclusivity talk. Is it too soon? Will they be surprised? What if they say no? It’s absolutely normal if these questions are running through your head. However, it’s far better to ask directly rather than spend time wondering or assuming.
When is the best time to have the ‘exclusive’ talk?
Honestly, there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ time to discuss becoming exclusive with someone you’ve met from online dating. Any moment that you feel the relationship has progressed to a stage where you feel comfortable with becoming exclusive is the right time. This could be several dates for one person but several months for another person.
It could be that the two of you get along so well and spend so much time together that having the ‘exclusvie’ talk feels like a natural progression of the relationship. Or perhaps you feel very sure that you want to continue seeing this person and commit to them emotionally. Even if you are not exactly sure how they feel, you are keen to express your feelings on the relationship.
When choosing a time to have the ‘exclusive’ talk, ensure it’s a time where the two of you are both relaxed and not in a hurry. For example, on a weekend afternoon where you know you both have several hours free. Or, in the evening when you are both chilling out at the end of the day. What you want to avoid are times when either of you are under pressure e.g. before work or if you have another engagement to attend soon.
Where should I have the exclusive talk?
Ideally, you should choose a comfortable environment for both of you where you both feel relaxed. Even if you feel confident, you have no idea how long the conversation will take or how they may react. You don’t want to be stuck in a long dinner somewhere far away from home if things don’t turn out how you anticipate.
The ideal places to have a talk about exclusivity include:
- The park
- A casual coffee shop or restaurant that’s not too crowded (and where you are not obligated to stay too long)
- One of your homes
You can find out how the other person views the relationship by asking an open-ended question such as:
“We’ve been seeing each other for x months, I’ve really enjoyed our time. How do you feel about things?”
If they respond in a positive way, e.g. saying they’ve enjoyed it too. Then you can go ahead and say that you would like to become exclusive. Then go into more detail about what this means for you.
“If you agree I would like for us to become exclusive. To me, this means not seeing other people and removing our profiles from dating apps. What are your thoughts?”
Even if you don’t get the answer you are looking for, you will have clarity on the relationship
If the other person agrees that the two of you should become exclusive, great! However, even if the other person is not keen to become exclusive, it’s still better to have an answer. Asking directly is often the only way in which you can find out where you stand in the relationship. Furthermore, if an exclusive relationship is important to you, you should focus on this. If it turns out that your current relationship has no future, at least you don’t need to invest anymore time into the relationship.
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