A daterview is when your date ends up becoming more of an interview than a friendly, casual meet up. Someone is far more likely to conduct a daterview on a first date when they do not know much about you. You may feel as though your date is reeling off a list of standard questions. They may ask you in detail about your background, lifestyle, job or family. While it’s normal to ask some questions to get to know another person, their questions may feel unfriendly and even judgmental.
Many people feel that being subjected to a daterview is like being interrogated. Instead of being treated like a unique person with relationship potential, they feel as though they are simply a candidate attending a job interview. It’s a major turn off for the person on the receiving end. Here are a few things to be aware of if you find you’ve been subjected to someone’s daterview.
What are examples of questions someone asks during a daterview?
During a daterview, the person asking the questions will often want to gain details about your background, lifestyle and occupation. Instead of the conversation naturally flowing, they are trying to gather information to form a judgment about you. While it’s obviously acceptable (or even desirable) to ask questions about the other person, it’s more about how they go about it. If it seems that you two click well and you both feel comfortable discussing personal details, that’s great! However, if someone seems that they are solely concerned about whether you meet all their criteria, you’ll feel a completely different vibe.
Typical questions may include:
- What do you do for a living? So what exactly does that involve?
- How much do you earn?
- Where do you live?
- Do you live alone or with someone else?
- How big is your place?
- Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?
- Tell me about your family.
- Are you religious?
- What happened in your last relationship?
- Do you believe in marriage?
- Do you see yourself having kids?
Of course, it may be completely reasonable to explore issues around your background and relationship beliefs. However, it really depends on your rapport with the other person. If you are both getting along very well it may feel like a natural progression to delve into more detail. However, in a daterview situation, it does not feel natural to the person being asked. Someone conducting a daterview may ask questions that are simply too much. Their questions may be intrusive and overly personal. They may feel as if they are being assessed according to a check list, which is not a great feeling.
Daterviews are super unpleasant. Why do people do it?
Their personality may be on the uptight side
Some people are simply uptight. This may apply to several aspects of their lives, including dating. They may be very results-driven or have strict rules about how they do things. They may be unwilling to proceed with people who do not meet their criteria. Unfortunately, this type of person is more likely to subject their dates to a daterview. They seek to gain as much information as possible by getting you to answer their exhaustive list of questions. It could be that they are oblivious to how they come across to other people.
They are not very good in social situations and don’t know how to date
It may seem like everyone around you has a social calendar packed with dates. However, there are people out there who are socially awkward or simply not very natural when it comes to dating. They may feel nervous or self-conscious. Or they may struggle to find things to talk about with someone they don’t know well. Their questioning may come across as super awkward and inappropriate. However, this may be them trying their best to engage in a conversation with you.
They’ve been burned in the past and don’t want the same thing to happen again
Sometimes after a bad dating experience, a person may be so scarred by what happened that they become overly cautious with future dates. They may introduce a bunch of rules so as to prevent something like that happening again. We’ve all had one of those friends who has vowed never to go for that kind of guy or girl ever again. Maybe they dated a party animal who was constantly meeting and flirting with others. Or, they dated someone who was overly controlling. The list goes on.
Someone who has been burned in the past can be more likely to subject new dates to a daterview. They may ask you detailed questions to try and ascertain whether you are that ‘type’ who they fear might treat them badly. Or, they may still be angry about what happened and simply be unpleasant towards others in general as a result.
Related: How To End An Online Dating Conversation
What should I do if I’ve just had a date which felt like a daterview?
What is your gut feeling?
There are a few ways of approaching this situation. Firstly, consider your overall feelings towards the other person and the date. If you felt there was nothing you liked about the other person, or that the date was not enjoyable at all, then there’s your answer. It’s reasonable to close the chapter and move on.
Maybe you’re undecided about what to do after your daterview
However, if you are undecided, then you may take some time to reflect on your date. What is it that you like about this person? Do they seem to have good values that you appreciate? Or, are you intrigued by their life? Why do you think they seemed to have a ‘daterview’ style during your date? Is it because they are simply inexperienced and a bit socially awkward? This is completely different to someone who is overbearing and insensitive. Or, maybe they are genuinely looking for something serious and prefer to cut to the chase from the very beginning. This may be a turn on or a turn off, depending on what you are looking for yourself.
Are they worth getting to know better?
Ultimately, if you’ve just gone through a daterview, you need to decide whether this person is worth seeing again. Obviously, if you felt zero interest in them then the answer is pretty clear. However, if you have mixed feelings then it may be worth getting to know them a little better. This is especially the case if you felt some attraction to them but were slightly put off by their directness. By learning more about them, you can ascertain whether it was just a one off or they are always like that.
Daterviews suck but do not necessarily mean it’s over
Usually with relationships, the answers will come in time. It could be that on the second date, you realise they are simply not your type and there’s no need to pursue things any further. Or, you may discover their positive qualities and feel you judged them too quickly. Either way, it’s fair to say that a daterview is not necessarily grounds for ending things with someone. However, they can definitely be off-putting in the dating world.
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