Updated 2nd August 2023
What is Soft Ghosting?
Soft ghosting is a subtle form of ghosting that you may not even realize is happening to you. While ghosting is characterized by complete silence and unresponsiveness, soft ghosting may involve the person ‘liking’ your message or posts. They may even offer short acknowledgements like smiley faces- and that’s if they’re being especially responsive. If you had any hope that this person will actually come back into your life in a meaningful way, you’d be mistaken. They are completely out the door and yes, it is still a form of rejection.
Wait, so is it ghosting or is it not?
Frankly, a soft ghoster’s intentions are the same as a ghoster. They no longer wish to continue the relationship and do not want to communicate with you anymore. As such, you’ll probably notice that they never initiate conversation or suggest plans to meet up. In summary, they are not interested.
The difference between a flat out ghoster and a soft ghoster is that a soft ghoster will still offer some kind of (useless and annoying) response. This is most often in the form of ‘likes’ e.g. liking your message on Instagram, or liking something you’ve posted. It may also be simple confirmations they’ve received your messages, such as by saying “cool” or “😊.” However, just like with a ghoster, you find yourself at a dead end. The relationship is going nowhere.
7 Signs that you are being soft ghosted:
- It’s hard to get hold of them
- They respond to your messages but do not continue the conversation
- They may use emojis to reply you rather than words
- They never suggest meeting up and decline invitations from you
- They may ‘like’ your posts and watch your stories on social media
- They do not tell you what’s going on in their life, nor do they ask about you
- You get the feeling that they’ve stopped trying
Why do people even bother soft ghosting?
The main reasons why people soft ghost are:
- They feel a bit guilty about totally ghosting you and therefore try to soften the blow by soft ghosting, prior to cutting off completely
- They are scared of the consequences of ghosting you
- They don’t want to burn any bridges in case they want to re-appear later
- They think that they are being polite
- They don’t have the guts to break up with you and are hoping you’ll get frustrated with their behaviour and walk away
Perhaps the soft ghoster has had a bad experience in the past when they ghosted someone. If the person being ghosted was very invested into the relationship, they may have gone a bit cray. This creates all kinds of problems for the ghoster, who mistakenly thought ghosting was an ‘easy’ way out. Soft ghosting is not as sudden and harsh and allows the relationship to gradually tail off. Therefore, it’s harder to put all of the blame on the ghoster.
The ghoster usually thinks soft ghosting is a nicer way to reject you
Often, the ghoster will think they are doing the decent thing by soft ghosting you instead of completely ghosting you. As they are still replying your messages or liking your posts, they can argue that they did nothing wrong. They are waiting for you to be the one to eventually stop reaching out so that the relationship will be over.
So is being soft ghosted better than being ghosted?
Well, not really. Being soft ghosted can be even more confusing than ghosting. Perhaps as confusing as breadcrumbing. The reason for this is that you may still think they are interested when they are not. If you yourself have feelings for this person and they soft ghost you, you may even give them (far too much) benefit of the doubt.
Let’s be honest, if there is no longer any meaningful conversation between the two of you and you do not meet up IRL, the relationship is over
It’s easy to mistaken someone who is soft ghosting you for someone who is still interested. However, do not be mistaken. If you previously used to meet up with this person and chat to them regularly, but all they do now is ‘like’ your posts or give meaningless responses to your messages, then it’s clearly over between you.
A soft ghoster wants out of the relationship but does not want to admit it or be honest with you. Nor do they want to explain why it’s over. Instead, they hope that by sending you half-hearted responses, you’ll get the hint and back off. If you really liked the person, it’s probably equally as annoying as being completely ghosted. Both scenarios make it difficult to get closure as the ghoster is not willing to tell you directly that it’s over. They also do not offer any explanation as to why they want to end things.
A soft ghoster wants out of the relationship but does not want to admit it or be honest with you. Nor do they want to explain why it’s over. Instead, they hope that by sending you half-hearted responses, you’ll get the hint and back off. If you really liked the person, it’s probably equally as annoying as being completely ghosted. Both scenarios make it difficult to get closure.
An example of soft ghosting
In this scenario, the girl is trying to continue the conversation by asking the guy how work is going. Unfortunately, his disinterest is apparent when he merely replies with a one-word “yeah.” After a few days of silence, she then tries again to chat him up.
Despite mentioning an interesting hobby and asking how he is, this time he does not even reply. Instead, he ‘likes’ her message and leaves it at that. This is a typical example of soft ghosting. Although he acknowledges her reaching out, it’s certainly clear he is becoming less responsive. His deadpan responses require zero effort and he is not invested into continuing the ‘relationship’.
What should I do if I think I’m being soft ghosted?
You can try asking what’s up
If you think you are being soft ghosted, it’s certainly worthwhile asking them directly whether something’s up. After all, the truth is the truth. If they respond and explain properly, you’ll have your answer. It’s possible there is something occupying them temporarily and they may offer an explanation. Or, they may directly tell you that they are not feeling the relationship. It’s possible they did not have the guts to bring it up and were waiting for you to prompt the discussion.
If they do not respond or give you some flaky response that means nothing, then it’s time to move on
If, after asking them, they then ghost you completely and do not respond, you know not to try any further. Alternatively, if they give you a meaningless response like “oh I’ve been busy with work” with no real explanation for acting distant, then it’s pointless pursuing them any further. Someone who is unenthusiastic about getting to know you is not worth your time and energy. Save it for the next person who truly appreciates you!
I’m thinking of soft ghosting someone, is it the right thing to do?
If you’re thinking of soft ghosting someone, take a moment to think about whether it’s the decent thing to do. Ideally, it’s better to let someone know that you are no longer interested in continuing the relationship. However, soft ghosting may be ok if you’re looking to stop talking to someone you’ve only just met and it’s still in the early stages. For example, if you’ve only met once (or not at all) and are not chatting on a regular basis, it’s probably ok to just stop talking to them. They’ll get the hint.
The other situation in which soft ghosting makes sense is if someone is clearly interested in you but you do not want to reciprocate their advances. Perhaps you are already in a relationship or interested in someone else, but this person simply can’t take a hint. Instead of flat out ignoring them, you may wish to offer short responses or acknowledgements without continuing the conversation.
On the other hand, if this is someone that you’ve met up with a few times or are dating, then soft ghosting is a bad idea. The decent thing to do would be to let them know gently that you no longer want to continue. Depending on how serious things are between you, you can decide between meeting them in person or calling or texting them.
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