Updated 22nd August 2023
So you know what ghosting is and maybe you’ve even been ghosted before. However, you’re now agonizing over whether the guy you’re seeing has ghosted you. Have you been ghosted or is he busy? Perhaps he did mention that he has a busy job. Or, it’s clear to you that he’s got a packed social calendar. Why does dating seem so obvious when you’re giving advice to someone else, but so confusing when it’s you in the same situation?
Sometimes, it can be really hard to figure out if you’ve been ghosted
If you have feelings for a guy, it’s normal to look forward to his messages. After all, you enjoy spending time with him. Perhaps you’re hoping the relationship will develop into something more serious. However, if he’s been taking a while to reply, it may cause you to wonder why it’s taking so long.
These are some of the questions that may be running through your mind:
- Is he really taking a long time to reply? Or am I over-analyzing?
- Did he forget to reply me?
- Is he really that busy?
- He previously took a while to get back to me but he eventually texted. Should I just be patient?
- Why does he seem to have time to meet other people but not reply me?
- Why doesn’t he see me as a priority?
It’s especially difficult to figure out if you’ve been ghosted or he’s just busy if your relationship is relatively new
Wondering whether someone has ghosted you or is just busy occurs most commonly in newer relationships. In a serious, committed relationship, you are more likely to have a basic understanding of how often you speak and see each other. You also know the other person’s character much better. Therefore, you are less likely to spend time figuring out what their behaviour means.
Firstly, take a step back and look at the bigger picture
Ghosting is a serious action that represents the end of the relationship. Before jumping to the conclusion that you’ve been ghosted, try to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. This will allow you to gain perspective on the situation This 3-point checklist will allow you to gain perspective on your current situation. Hopefully you’ll be able to work out whether you’ve actually been ghosted or whether he’s just busy.
Have I been ghosted or is he busy? The 3-point checklist
1. How long has it been since he replied?
Ghosting usually implies a time frame of at least three days that they have not communicated with you. This goes up to seven days if you were in the very early stages of getting to know each other. If he replied you yesterday, please do not jump to the conclusion that you’ve been ghosted. Sometimes people do just need space and don’t need to update you about every single detail of their life. He may prefer to wait until he’s able to meaningfully reply you before texting, rather than sending a half-hearted message.
You may find this article useful: How Many Days is Ghosting? It Depends on These 5 Factors.
2. Did he mention any particular reason for being especially busy?
It might sound obvious but if you know for a fact that he’s particularly busy with something at present, it is less likely that he’s ghosted you. Sometimes, when you are keen to hear from a guy and have been waiting a while, it can be easy to forget this. It’s very easy to over-analyze when you like someone.
Work is a very common reason for being out of touch
Perhaps he is genuinely going through a stressful period at work. Depending on his job or even the season, this could have a significant impact on his work-life balance. For example, if he has several deadlines coming up, it’s realistic that he may be very focused on work.
Other reasons for being busy include travel, life events, social events
It’s normal for a guy to be less responsive if he’s busy with things such as:
- Traveling for leisure or work (especially if there’s a time difference)
- Having visitors in town e.g. friends or family that he needs to entertain
- Moving house, renovation, or home improvement
- Having work social events to attend
- A festive period e.g. Christmas and New Year, or summer vacation
The list goes on. You get the gist of it.
In summary, if a guy is genuinely busy, he will unfortunately be less available. He may not respond to you as quickly as before. He may also be less inclined to ask you out because his schedule is packed. However, after his busy period is over, he should get back to communicating with you like normal.
3. What was your relationship like before the period of silence?
If you’re wondering “have I been ghosted or is he busy?” then it’s important to honestly evaluate the relationship between you. This will help you determine the likelihood of him ghosting you.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
- Does he seem to enjoy spending time with you?
- Has he implied or told you that he has feelings for you?
- How strong do you think his feelings for you are?
- Is he usually reliable and a man of his word? Or does he constantly flake on promises and plans?
- Do you feel that you trust him?
- Do you think he’s seeing other people?
When you experience a period of silence from a guy, it’s important to put it into context. Let’s consider the following two scenarios and the likelihood of being ghosted vs just busy.
Scenario A:
Sonia and Tom had been seeing each other for a couple of weeks. They would meet once or twice a week and usually messaged a few times a day. The last time they met, they went for a movie date followed by dinner. Since the beginning, Tom had been reliable and did not change or cancel any plans.
During dinner, Tom mentioned that he had some clients visiting from abroad and he would have more meetings during the day. He would also have to spend time after work entertaining them. The following week, Tom only messaged once per day and stated that “sorry for being out of touch, work is crazy busy.” One day, he didn’t message at all. Usually by that day of the week, they would already be making weekend plans. Sonia was concerned about him being less interested than before and wondered whether she was being ghosted.
Analysis:
In this situation, it’s understandable that Sonia is unhappy about Tom having less time for her and failing to make plans for the weekend. However, the fact that everything seemed to be going well up until that point, is positive. He also acknowledges the fact that he is not being as responsive as usual and apologizes.
Given the fact that it’s only been one day he hasn’t replied, it’s too soon to suggest he is ghosting Sonia. While it may be disappointing for Sonia who had been looking forward to seeing Tom again soon, she should also respect that he is busier than usual. She may consider sending a message saying that she understands he is busy and looking forward to seeing him again once things are not so hectic.
Scenario B:
Jan and Matt met on a dating app and have been on four dates. Each time, Matt agreed on a day, but ended up postponing to a different date. Jan finds Matt really interesting and he’s totally her type. While they get along well and have a good time in person, Matt is sporadic about keeping in touch. In general, he doesn’t give many details about his life or what he’s up to.
One day, Matt asks what Jan is up to on the weekend. When Jan replies “nothing special planned, you?” he does not respond. Jan does not know whether he wants to make plans or not. Deep down, she likes him and is hoping he will ask her out.
When Matt finally responds, he says “I have a friends birthday dinner, but not sure about afterwards. Will see what time I finish, maybe we can do something?” Jan plays it cool and says “sure, I’m meeting my friends Sat night too, will see.” However, she is a bit disappointed that he can never seem to make concrete plans to meet. She then messages him on Saturday to see what his plans are that evening, to which he does not respond. On Monday, still no sign of him.
Analysis:
Although it’s only been two days since Matt last replied, Jan should not be too surprised if he is ghosting her. His behaviour has been inconsistent and unreliable from the beginning. He is not letting her in on his life and is certainly not making much time for her. Even if he does not ghost her completely, he is clearly not that keen.
Sorry, but you’ll just have to wait it out
There’s no 100% sure way of knowing whether they’ve ghosted you if it’s been only a short period of time since they messaged. Unfortunately, you’ll just have to wait and see. It’s understandably not ideal when you really like them. The person who is interested in you and is genuinely busy will definitely make an effort to contact you afterwards. It’s as simple as that. However, if their silence drags on for another few days and absolutely no sign of them, it’s fair to conclude that you’ve been ghosted.
Remember: a guy who is interested in you will be in touch
It’s important to remember that a guy who genuinely likes you and is interested in a relationship will not disappear for a long time. If he is busy, he may be out of touch temporarily. However, if he has feelings for you, you should still be on his mind. He will want to reach out once he has the chance. Remember that guys are wired to chase and get what they want. If he genuinely wants you, the last thing he will want is to let you go.
Enjoyed this article? You may find these articles useful:
