If you’re dating someone and starting to feel less and less enthusiastic about the relationship, you may be thinking about how best to end things. If the relationship between you is not *that* serious, ghosting them may seem like an easy and convenient way to break up with them. However, ghosting someone out of the blue is disrespectful if they’ve acted decently throughout. You may be wondering how to end things as quickly and painlessly as possible without ghosting them. Here’s how to not ghost someone but still break up without too much drama.
Ending a relationship will usually be unpleasant for one or both people
The reality is that break ups are usually awkward and unpleasant. This is regardless of whether you are the person initiating it or the one being broken up with. If you’re thinking of ending things with someone you’ve been seeing, you may be dreading breaking the news to them. They may be hurt or angry at being broken up with. Furthermore, they may have many questions for you.
It’s important to accept that initiating a breakup will likely be tough. However, if you are no longer interested in seeing this person, then it’s necessary to let them know. Ghosting someone to end a relationship can create all kinds of problems. The other person may worry and wonder if something has happened to you and message constantly. After realizing they’ve been ghosted, they may feel angry and hurt. It may be difficult for them to gain closure as they have many unanswered questions.
Even though breakups suck, they do spare the person being broken up with a lot of confusion and pain. At least they know that the relationship is over and have some opportunity to ask any questions they had about the relationship.
How to not ghost someone but still end things
If you want to break up with someone but not ghost them, you’ll want to end things in a direct but respectful way. Ideally, you’ll want to meet them in person, as this is considered the politest way of breaking up. However, if you are averse to meeting them face to face, then a telephone call is the next best thing. Sending a text message to break up is only acceptable if the two of you hadn’t met up much in person e.g. you’d only been on a few dates and had been mostly texting.
If you’re wondering how to not ghost someone, you’re probably seeking a way of breaking up that:
- Doesn’t take too long
- Avoids drama
- Conveys a clear message
- Ends the relationship once and for all
- Ensures the other person won’t contact you again
Here are some ways in which you can break up with someone without ghosting them
If you’re breaking up in person, ask the person to meet up with you but tell them in advance that you won’t be able to stay long as you have plans afterwards (under an hour will do). Meet them in a casual and neutral place e.g. a coffee shop or the park.
Regardless of whether you’re meeting them or breaking up over the phone (or text):
- Be appreciative of the time that the two of you spent together
- Tell them directly that you are breaking up and the relationship is over
- If they ask you questions, answer honestly but re-iterate that the two of you are not compatible
- If they ask you whether you can be friends and you know you are not keen, tell them that it’s not a good idea
- Do not give them false hope that maybe in the future you can rekindle your relationship
Examples of things to say if you want to break up with someone
Example 1. “I asked you to meet up to talk about our relationship. I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate and have enjoyed the time we’ve spent together. However, I feel that we are incompatible in the long-term, so I don’t see it working out between us. I don’t want us to continue seeing each other.”
Example 2. “You’re a great guy/girl and have many great qualities. However, over time, I’ve realized that we are too different. I’m looking for someone who is more similar to me in terms of what I want in life. I’m sorry but we cannot see each other anymore.”
Example 3. “This isn’t easy for me to tell you but I feel that our relationship is not what I want. I would like to end things between us. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt your feelings.”
Related: Should I Break Up With My Girlfriend? 8 Situations Where the Answer Could Be ‘Yes’
Accept that you cannot control their reaction
After you’ve told them that the relationship is over, they will inevitably have questions about why you want to break up. They may dig deep into the reasons that prompted you to end things. While it’s fair to explain to them, you want to avoid going round in circles.
Not speaking to them after breaking up is not ghosting
It may be worthwhile re-iterating that your decision is final if it appears they have not come to terms with things. Following the breakup, it’s absolutely your right to not contact them or respond to messages. Cutting off contact after a breakup is not considered ghosting as you’ve taken the time to explain to them that the relationship is over. Furthermore, you’ve given them your reasons for doing so.
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