If you’ve been ghosted twice by the same person, it means that this person:
- Ended your relationship by disappearing without explanation
- Later re-appeared in your life, maybe even restarting a proper relationship with you
- Then ghosted you again by cutting off all communication, just like the first time
Being ghosted twice may have left you feeling even more hurt and confused than being ghosted the first time. Why did they bother returning at all? You may have had reservations about giving them a second chance. After giving them the benefit of the doubt and letting them back into your life, getting ghosted again may have been the last thing you expected.
If you’re experiencing all the same emotions that you felt when they disappeared the first time, this is understandable. This might include anger, sadness, rejection or even heartbreak. You may regret giving them another chance and wish you’d kept the door closed.
Contents:
- Why did I get ghosted twice by the same person?
- If you’ve been ghosted twice by the same person, ask yourself the following questions
- Should I ask them why they ghosted me again?
- I’ve been ghosted twice by the same person, how can I get over it?
- I really regret letting this person back into my life after they ghosted me the first time, what should I do?
Why did I get ghosted twice by the same person?
While it’s unlikely you’ll figure out exactly why they ghosted you twice, here are 6 possible reasons.
Reason 1. They are confused and don’t know what they want
A person who ghosts twice is clearly unsure about what they want. They may be confused about their feelings for you. There may be a part of them that likes you and wants a relationship with you. However, at the same time, they are not *that* keen. There are a few possibilities, including:
- They like certain things about you but also question whether the two of you are totally compatible
- They may have feelings for you but for whatever reason, are unable to be in a proper relationship with you e.g. not ready for commitment, wanting to focus on other things in life or even the people around them disapproving of your relationship
- They are the type that wants what they can’t have, meaning every time they ‘get’ you they then lose interest
- They only want something casual and short-lived
Reason 2. They are avoidant or, for some reason, find having emotional conversations difficult
Why do people ghost instead of breaking up properly? Because breakups are unpleasant, especially when you know the other person will react badly. This person may find it difficult to verbalize or discuss their reasons for wanting to end things. Or, they might just hate breakups in general because they are generally awkward and emotionally-charged.
When someone ghosts instead of having an honest conversation about why they wish to end the relationship, they do not need to deal with the other person’s feelings or questions. They can avoid taking responsibility for their actions and any difficult confrontations. This is especially convenient if they were not serious about the relationship to begin with.
Reason 3. Because he or she does not respect you
Someone who ghosts twice clearly is not someone who respects you. Nor are they looking out for your emotional well-being. They are thinking of themselves and what suits them and when. This person clearly believes that they can pick you up and drop you at their own convenience. They do not care about the effect that their actions have on you. The fact that they ghosted you twice shows that they do not feel you are worthy of an honest conversation explaining why they wanted to end things.
Here are 5 signs that someone does not respect you in a relationship:
- They don’t make you feel valued
- They do not listen to what you say
- They are dishonest or sneaky
- They do not care about your feelings
- They ignore you
Reason 4. They are keeping you around as a backup
Even though at some point they wanted a relationship with you, it’s clear they never treated you as a priority. It’s possible they are dating around or even have feelings for someone else. However, they might be unable to get what they want. They may be treating you as a backup and only returning to you whenever they feel rejected or lonely.
These are the signs that someone is treating you as a backup:
- Their schedule takes priority over yours
- They only call or text at the last minute
- He or she is non-committal about the future
- He or she takes their time to reply even though you reply quickly
- They seem distracted or pay attention to others
If you experienced any of these signs during your relationship, chances are, they were keeping you around as a backup and then ditched when they got bored or found someone else.
Reason 5. Because they know they have an emotional hold over you
This person may know you have a soft spot for them. As a result, they are well-aware that they can get away with treating you however they please. Unfortunately, it can be easy to make excuses for someone’s poor behaviour when you have feelings for them. They may have realized it would be easy to gain your forgiveness after ghosting you the first time. They essentially worked out they still had an emotional hold over you, despite treating you badly and felt it was no big deal to ghost you a second time.
Reason 6. You’re too nice
The fact that you gave a second chance to someone who ghosted you in the past speaks about your personality, too. You may have forgiven them for ghosting you the first time because you empathized with their reasons for ghosting. Or, you may be a very nice person and able to focus on other people’s positive traits, even if they don’t treat you well.
It’s possible you find it difficult to maintain boundaries and stand up for yourself in situations where you are being mistreated. Unfortunately, this may make it easy for selfish or opportunistic people to treat you disrespectfully.
If you’ve been ghosted twice by the same person, ask yourself the following questions
How has being ghosted twice made you feel?
Take a moment to think about being ghosted twice by this person has made you feel. Do you feel fulfilled? Does this person make you feel appreciated for being your true self? Do you feel loved and cared for? If the answers are ‘no’ to these questions, then it’s obvious that this person does not deserve any place in your life. If they dare to reach out to you again, remember this.
What are you going to do if they try to reach out to you again?
Whatever excuse or reason they have for ghosting you twice, no matter how compelling they might make it sound, is not good enough. This person has proven themselves to be toxic. They do not treat you with respect. After being ghosted twice, it’s important to make up your own mind about your boundaries with this person. It’s obvious that letting them back into your life after they ghosted you for the first time did not end up well. This person does not deserve any further chances from you.
Should I ask them why they ghosted me again?
As tempting as it may be to reach out and find out why they ghosted you twice, it’s very unlikely you’ll achieve anything by doing this. This person has proven (twice) that they do not want to communicate with you and they do not respect you. If they cared about your feelings or wanted you to understand their reasons for breaking up, they would have had a proper conversation with you in order to end things.
I’ve been ghosted twice by the same person, how can I get over it?
The same principles as getting over being ghosted by someone for the first time apply. You’ll want to focus on moving on without this person on your life. They absolutely do not deserve a place in your life. You may want to remove all reminders of this person so that you’ll be less likely to think about them.
Check out the following guides:
- How To Deal With Ghosting: 7 Simple Steps
- Here’s How To Apply The No Contact Rule After Being Ghosted
Given that you’ve been ghosted twice by this person, you’ll want to put your foot down this time and cut this person out of your life for good. They have proven that they do not value you. The last thing you want is them thinking they can continue to pick you up and drop you at their own convenience. Having a relationship with this person is not going to make you happy and may even affect your self-esteem.
I really regret letting this person back into my life after they ghosted me the first time, what should I do?
Even if you’re kicking yourself for giving him or her a second chance, there’s not much you can do about it now. Everyone makes mistakes. Clearly you still had feelings for them when you rekindled your relationship with them. It’s very common to give someone benefit of the doubt when you like them. We often want to see the best in someone if we like them.
Instead of regretting letting them back into your life, focus on moving forwards. Perhaps you were previously undecided about whether they had changed and wanted to give them a chance. However, now that they’ve ghosted you twice, you have enough evidence that this person is not good enough for you. It’s clear that you deserve far better and you are 100% better off without them in your life.
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