If you keep getting ghosted, it basically comes down to one simple thing. The people ghosting you are not that interested. Sure, you may try to find reasons for their behaviour. Perhaps you’ve speculated that they’re busy, or they’re not ‘ready’ for a relationship. However, if you repeatedly find yourself thinking that the relationship was going somewhere but end up getting ghosted, clearly there is a mismatch of expectations.
Before you start worrying “is there something wrong with me?” try to take a step back and examine the situation rationally. There are certain situations in which getting ghosted has become the norm, for example, during the early stages of online dating. If one has spent a reasonable amount of time on dating apps, it would be unusual if they have not been ghosted at some point. It’s just the nature of the game.
If you keep getting ghosted on dating apps, this is common
Related: Online Dating: Ghosted Before the First Date?
If you keep getting ghosted on dating apps including Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, this is quite common. Dating apps are designed to entice you to spend long periods of time on the app. They encourage you to match with multiple people and strike up several conversations at the same time. As a result, it becomes difficult to keep up with everyone you’ve matched with. Besides, everyone is organizing dates with several different people and most will go nowhere.
However, if you keep getting ghosted after dating someone for a significant period of time, this is a different issue. After going on several (or many) dates with the other person, you presumably know a fair amount about them. You may have been seeing them regularly and started to develop strong feelings for them. Getting ghosted after this stage is essential a breakup and can be harder to get over.
There are several possible reasons as to why you keep getting ghosted. It may be related to the ‘type’ of guy or girl you tend to go for. Or it could be because you are fail to notice red flags in dating that reveal their insincerity. It may even be that something about your behaviour is unappealing to the other person. Here are some common reasons as to why you may keep getting ghosted.
You date people who are seeking something casual
One possibility is that while you may be looking for your next boyfriend, the other person is seeking something casual. Casual meaning no strings attached and zero commitment. They may be happy to continue the relationship with you for weeks or months on a casual basis. Ultimately, if you have different agendas, the relationship is unlikely to work out.
Be honest with yourself
The key is to be honest with yourself about what you are seeking. You also need to identify what the other person can offer you. How do you think they view the relationship? As something with a future, or a way to kill time when they’re bored? If they never take you into account when discussing the future, it probably isn’t on their agenda.
Do you get too serious too soon?
A common scenario is when one person gets too serious too soon about the relationship. They may even start making plans about the future despite the other person not reciprocating. Of course, there are plenty of instances when two people meet and the relationship quickly progresses into something serious. However, when the feeling is not mutual and one person continues placing their hopes and dreams on the other person, this is a problem. They are setting themselves up for disappointment.
If you date someone who is simply looking to keep things casual, they will be less invested into the relationship. They are not looking to make any commitments. They may be dating several people at the same time. As a result, it’s easier for them to ghost you. After all, they never saw it as anything serious in the first place.
You date people who don’t truly care about you
Are you able to identify a guy or a girl who is sincere and cares, as opposed to someone who is half-hearted and treating you as a backup? Are you prone to tolerating bad behaviour during dating? This may involve the other person regularly cancelling plans at the last minute. Other examples include them saying things that are disrespectful, or even flirting with other people in front of you.
Someone who ghosts you is not someone who genuinely values you. If you keep getting ghosted, it shows that you are dating people who are not that into you. Deep down, they do not not really care about your feelings or well-being. You may be the type of person that always looks for the best in people and can ignore their negative traits. Perhaps you are not able to recognize someone who is insincere, or you are willing to accept less than desirable treatment. Or, you may be prone to falling in love with someone too quickly, rather than allowing them to gain your trust and affection over time.
Related: Why Is Online Dating So Hard?
Do you overlook red flags in dating?
Unfortunately, too many people overlook these dating red flags because of their feelings for the other person. The problem is that when you happily accept being treated as a low priority, the other person assumes it’s okay. They know deep down that they have the upper hand in the relationship. As such, they will continue to do as they please. It’s unlikely they put much effort throughout the relationship. Therefore when they wish to end things, it’s easy for them to drop you by ghosting. They likely did not care that much to begin with.
On the other hand, consider someone who is reliable and clearly goes out of their way to be with you. They are consistently in touch with you and keeps promises that they make. They may even discuss the future with you. Basically, you feel that they have made you a big part of their life. This kind of person is far less likely to ghost you. Even if the relationship doesn’t work out, they are more likely to have the courtesy to break up in a proper manner.
You date people who are confused, do not know what they want, or have issues
Most people, at some point, have experienced dating someone who was inconsistent in their behaviour. One day, they may be really into you and show they care. However, the next day, they are busy and aloof, or seem to have other priorities. This can be extremely frustrating. Unfortunately, this kind of hot and cold behaviour can make them appear even more attractive to the other person.
The problem with dating someone who is confused about their feelings for you is that you will always end up being the one on the receiving end of their mood. If they appreciate you and treat you well one day you’ll feel like the happiest person in the world. However, when they need ‘space’ or get uncomfortable with being in the relationship, you may feel as though you’ve been kicked to the curb.
These kinds of people either are not sure about you, the relationship, or themselves. For example, they may really like you but be scared to commit out of fear of losing their freedom. Alternatively, they may be comfortable in the relationship but still entertaining other options on the side. While you may be willing to stick it out, there is unfortunately not a great deal you can do to change the situation. The issues lie with them.
Inconsistent behaviour = bad sign
As they are so inconsistent and confused about what they want, their behaviour will reflect this. It’s possible they even have deep-rooted issues in their past related to their upbringing or previous relationships that cause them to struggle with relationships in general. If someone behaves inconsistently towards you, being with them can be an emotional rollercoaster. Despite sometimes treating you well, they have recurring doubts about you or the relationship. As a result, you may end up getting ghosted.
You date people who lack empathy towards others
While breakups are not the easiest or most pleasant thing to do, they are necessary if one person (or both people) want out of the relationship. There is no easy or painless way to completely avoid awkwardness or hurt feelings. Most people do go through the actual process of breaking up, which may involve a discussion, or at least telling the other person you want to end things.
The type of person who regularly ghosts in order to end a relationship tends to be someone who lacks empathy towards others. They may either be oblivious to the pain that ghosting can cause someone. They may be incompetent at dealing with emotional situations and therefore ghost in order to avoid the awkwardness. Alternatively, they may ghost them knowing that the other person will suffer, but simply not care. They may have narcissistic personality traits or simply be, well, an asshole.
Someone who lacks empathy for others is more likely to ghost
It is far more common to get ghosted by someone who is self-centred or generally lacks consideration for other people. Sure, they may have some positive traits such as being confident or fun, or even knowledgeable and intelligent. However, it’s important to pay attention to whether they are arrogant or insensitive. If you find that you are attracted to this type of person, it could be the reason as to why you keep getting ghosted.
Related: Why Was I Ghosted After The First Date?
They perceive you as clingy, demanding, jealous or controlling (or you have other undesirable behaviour)
While ghosting usually reflects the other person’s insensitivity or inability to communicate, it can also be a result of your own behaviour. There are situations in which someone may ghost you simply because they are put off by something you did. This is not to say that what you did is wrong, however, it is all about how the other person perceives it.
For example, some men are naturally jealous and will express dissatisfaction if they see the girl they are dating regularly interacting with other male friends. While one girl may think it is sweet that he is being protective, another girl may be appalled and regard him as possessive. Another example is if a guy has a tendency to get too drunk and rowdy. Some girls may be able to reason that he is usually a nice person and let it slide. However, other girls might be totally put off and run a mile.
Related: 5 Telltale Signs He’s Acting Distant
Compatibility is key
Compatibility is essential to a successful relationship. You must be able to accept and understand the other person’s behaviour in the long run in order for the relationship to last. Some people are extremely patient and tolerant and can accept a partner with a horrendous temper, whereas others would ditch asap. It may be worth seeking feedback you get from friends who know you well. They may offer some insight into whether it could be something about your own behaviour that results in you getting ghosted.
If you keep getting ghosted on dating apps including Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, this is quite common. Dating apps are designed to entice you to spend long periods of time on the app. They encourage you to match with multiple people and strike up several conversations at the same time. As a result, it becomes difficult to keep up with everyone you’ve matched with. Besides, everyone is organizing dates with several different people.
Conclusion
In conclusion, if you keep getting ghosted it shows that you are either dating the types of people who are more likely to ghost, or you are dating people who are incompatible with you. While it’s impossible to completely avoid ghosting in the dating world, there are steps that you can take to reduce your chances of being ghosted again.
The key is to have high standards on who you let into your life. Filter out anyone who acts disrespectfully or does not seem sincere in their intentions. Even if you are not looking for anything ‘serious’, people you are dating should at least treat you with respect and in a manner that does not affect your self-esteem. If you are looking for a committed relationship, be honest with yourself about whether the other person also wants the same thing.
Found this article useful? You may enjoy these articles:
