Been Ghosted After 4 Dates? 4 Reasons Why.

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If you’ve been ghosted after 4 dates, this may have come completely unexpected. Generally speaking, if the first 3 dates have gone well, many people will assume that the other person is keen. That’s not to say that going on 3 dates means that the two of you are officially “dating.” However, getting past the third date is usually regarded as a sign that things are going well. At the bare minimum, the other person must have liked you enough to go on four dates with you.

Why did you get ghosted after 4 dates? If you are questioning whether you did something wrong, stop yourself right there. Most of the time, getting ghosted is due to incompatibility between two people. The ghoster lacks consideration and as a result is not bothered to explain why they are no longer interested.

So what are some common reasons for getting ghosted after four dates? There are a couple of possibilities.

Reason 1. You got too serious too soon

Going on three dates with someone is usually regarded as a sure sign that there is mutual interest between the two of you. At the very least, the other person saw something in you that made it worth meeting up with three times. However, this is not to say that you suddenly become “official” if you reach the fourth date.

If after passing the third date mark, you were already envisioning a future with the guy or girl you were seeing, you may have been getting ahead of yourself. If you assumed that you are heading towards becoming boyfriend and girlfriend, its likely they picked up on this.

This is not to say that it’s wrong to assume the relationship is going somewhere after 4 dates. Some couples may feel the relationship has a future after a single date. However, if there clearly a difference in expectations between the two of you after going on four dates, this may be why you got ghosted. They may have felt you were coming on too strongly and been put off by this.

2. They are a commitment-phobe and got scared by things getting more serious

Usually, the more dates two people go on, the more serious the relationship gets. This is bad news for commitment-phobes who enjoy dating but run a mile when things start to get remotely serious. Given that after 3 dates many people start to feel more comfortable with the other person, it’s possible that after four dates, the commitment-phobe really felt the relationship was progressing to a more serious stage. If the person you were seeing is a commitment-phobe deep down, you shouldn’t be surprised if you got ghosted after four dates.

Even if they are a commitment-phobe, it may not have been obvious

It can be difficult to tell if someone is a commitment-phobe right off the bat. They can be friendly, charming people and good at forming genuine connections with others. They may even love the process of meeting new people and going on dates. However, when things start to get remotely serious and approach “couple” territory, they may get scared at the prospect of an actual relationship and pull a disappearing act.

So, how can you tell if someone is a commitment-phobe? It can often be hard to tell. However, the following signs can be indicative that someone is scared of commitment.
• Lack of long-term relationships in their dating history
• Tends to date people for short periods of time, Casual relationships
• Or if they date someone for a long period, won’t label the relationship
• Has a negative view of people in “serious” relationships e.g. talks about them as impacting on their freedom or carrying obligations
• Reluctant to make future plans

Reason 3. They discovered something about you on the fourth date that put them off

Ghosting can happen at any stage of a relationship. People get ghosted after a single date or after several months of dating. Unfortunately, most people who get ghosted will never figure out exactly why they got ghosted. Regardless of when someone gets ghosted, it is always because the ghoster feels strongly that they no longer want to be with the other person.

Discussing the deeper issues tends to happen by the fourth date

If you’ve been ghosted after four dates, it’s possible that during the fourth date, he or she learned something about you that made you incompatible in their eyes. Having already made it past the third date, people often feel more comfortable with each other. As a result, on the fourth date, it’s easier to hold an honest conversation about more serious topics. They may discuss deeper topics compared to the first three dates, such as:

• Your future plans
• Views on work, finances
• Views on starting a family
• Religion
• Politics
• Relationship history

Having conversations on the above topics can be very insightful and allow you to get a better sense of who you are dealing with. However, it is also more likely that after discovering your views on important things in life, the other person may realise that the two of you are not as compatible as they may have previously thought.

Since you’ve only been on four dates and you are not yet officially “dating,” they may have felt it was unnecessary to explain why they didn’t want to see you anymore. As a result, getting ghosted after four dates is common.

4. They weren’t sure about you and it took four dates for them to make up their mind

They were uncertain about you from the beginning and it took four dates for them to make up their mind that it’s a ‘no.’ There were obviously things that they liked about you and they probably enjoyed your company. They may not be that clear themselves about what they are looking for. Sometimes it can take a while to figure out if someone is your type or not.

What should I do if I was ghosted after 4 dates?

There’s no right or wrong way to deal with being ghosted after 4 dates, but you should prioritise yourself
It really depends. There is no right or wrong way to deal with the situation. You may have been shocked that you got ghosted after 4 dates if the dates went well and you felt the two of you had good chemistry. Unfortunately, many people who get ghosted after 4 dates feel disappointed, having already made it past the 3 date mark.

Leave things be

The first option is to leave things be and focus on moving on. After all, the two of you only went on four dates. You may feel deep down that they should have given you an explanation if they no longer wanted to see you. However, Ghosting is unfortunately very common in modern dating, especially with online dating. If you’ve been actively dating for a while, you may have gotten used to ghosting culture. Or, you may feel that someone who ghosted you is just not worth losing sleep over. You would be absolutely right about this.

If you’re keen to reach out to your ghoster, have realistic expectations

If you feel that being ghosted came completely out of the blue and there were zero indications that the other person was not feeling it, then you may be trying to figure out why they ghosted you. Some people may be keen to reach out to ask the ghoster why they ghosted. However, in most situations, this is going to be futile. Realistically, someone who ghosted you does not care enough to explain why they disappeared. They will not be concerned about whether you are spending time wondering why the relationship is over. Nor do they care about whether you are struggling to gain closure.

If you are keen to send a final message to your ghoster and move on, you may want to send a high value response to ghosting.

Remember: it’s unlikely you did anything wrong. The relationship was just not meant to be.

At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that even if you got ghosted after four dates, it does not mean that you did anything wrong. If the other person is not keen, the relationship is not meant to be. Even if you thought the two of you were compatible, clearly you are not. Not only are their communication skills lacking, but they did not appreciate what you have to offer. This person will not make you happy and your best bet is moving on.

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