The dating world can be harsh. If you ask anyone if they’ve experienced unhappiness after a breakup, it’s pretty much guaranteed they will say ‘yes.’ However, ghosting in dating has gained notoriety as a particularly painful way to be broken up with. An estimated half of all women and men have been ghosted in dating. However, few are willing to discuss it openly, despite its potential to cause significant, long-lasting emotional damage.
Cutting Off Communication
Ghosting in dating is when one person ends the relationship by suddenly cutting off communication without warning. It may take the form of suddenly not replying to messages or calls, or blocking the other person on Whatsapp, Facebook etc. It may even involve flat out ignoring the other person in public. Abruptly ending a relationship through ghosting, differs from a typical ‘breakup’ in that it often occurs without any prior warning or explanation.
Ghosting is particularly common in online dating, where people can even be ghosted before the first date. However, ghosting occurs in all kinds of dating, in serious and non-serious relationships. The person doing the ghosting, may justify that ghosting the person they are dating is actually a kinder way to end the relationship. Instead of directly telling a person that they no longer wish to see them, they may see it as a subtler way of ending things. After being ignored, the person being ghosted then works out on their own that the relationship is over.
The Problem With Ghosting
Unfortunately, ghosting gives no opportunity for the person being ghosted to voice their feelings. It deprives them of an explanation as to why the relationship is ending and this makes getting closure difficult. Regardless of whether the relationship was ‘official’ or not, ghosting in dating can really hurt. The person being ghosted may feel confused, angry or heartbroken. They can experience damage to their self esteem and find it difficult to move on.
Jane’s Story
Jane, a legal assistant in her late 20s, had been seeing a guy she’d met online for about 3 months. Suddenly, everything came to an abrupt end when he suddenly stopped answering her calls and replying her texts. It took a week for her to come to the realization that she had been ghosted.
“I met Tom through an online dating app that had a reputation for being more for serious relationships. He was pretty ideal- successful, funny, well-traveled and I felt we had a lot in common. He was such a gentleman when we met up for dates and was great company. I thought we would become exclusive. He would make plans about future dates and said he wanted to meet my family.
“This amazing guy had disappeared from my life and there was nothing I could do about it.”
“One day, I texted him and he seemed a bit distant. I knew something was up. He would give short replies like ‘Yeah, I’m good thanks’ without asking me how I was. I assumed maybe he was going through a rough patch at work and it had nothing to do with me. I tried inviting him round for dinner so I could cheer him up. He declined my invitation saying he was ‘busy’ without much explanation. I tried calling to see what the matter was. However, he never picked up my calls and soon stopped replying my messages all together.
“I had no idea what to do. This amazing guy had disappeared from my life and there was nothing I could do about it. It really hurt. I logged into the dating app, it showed he had been ‘active 15 minutes ago.’ I guess he had already moved on.”
“I really couldn’t face telling [my friends] that I’d been ghosted.”
“The worst part was, I had told most of my friends about him and that it was going really well. Some of them really wanted to meet him. I wasn’t even sure how to explain that it was, well, over. I felt like such a fool. I’d made such a big deal out of something that obviously didn’t mean much to him. In the end, I came up with the excuse that he got moved away due to his job. I really couldn’t face telling them that I’d been ghosted.”
“Easy come easy go” dating
With the explosion of online dating and normalcy of hook up culture, many people have adopted an “easy come easy go” mentality to dating. Men and women have easy access to thousands of potential dates through online dating apps. If it doesn’t work out with one person, there are plenty more to choose from. This culture makes it easy for those doing the ghosting to justify their behavior. They may argue “we weren’t exclusive” or that “it just fizzled out.”
Ghosting makes it easier for someone to walk away from a relationship. They do so without having to explain why or deal with the feelings of the other person. The other unfortunate truth, is that, ghosting is becoming more and more common. Those who’ve been ghosted in the past may later become the ones doing the ghosting. It’s far too easy to justify that it’s just how everyone operates in the dating world.
Have You Been Ghosted In Dating?
If you’ve been ghosted, you are not alone. Read our guide on how to deal with ghosting for tips on how to move on after being ghosted.
Enjoyed this article? You may also find these articles useful:
