Dating can be exciting yet frustrating. This is especially true in the early stages, when you’ve met a guy who you seem to ‘click’ with and are getting to know him. Waiting for him to text you back can feel like an eternity. Sometimes when a guy replies slowly, it can be difficult to differentiate between whether he is genuinely busy, or just uninterested. However, when his replies become less and less frequent, you may ask yourself the dreaded question: ‘is he ghosting me?’
The harsh reality of dating is that although a guy may seem very keen initially, their interest may fade over time. Many have been in the position where a guy they are seeing gives mixed signals. It can be difficult to know how to respond. Should you find out if something’s wrong? Maybe it’s something you did? Or should you give him space?
Often, it’s nothing that you’ve done wrong. Unless something has genuinely happened that makes it difficult for him to stay in touch, a guy who is interested in you will make the effort to maintain communication. Perhaps you’ve wondered ‘is he ghosting me?’ Here’s how to tell if he’s ghosting you.
Related: Ghosted Or Playing Hard To Get? This Is How To Tell
He hasn’t responded in a while (and we mean, a while)
It can be tiring when you find that you initiate conversation much more often than the guy you are seeing. Perhaps he is actually busy. However, if you find yourself regularly waiting days or weeks for a response, it’s unlikely that he’s very interested. It’s fair to say that you are not a big part of his daily life. He may not have ghosted you yet, but you can’t be too surprised if he does later on. If he has stopped replying your messages all together (or blocked you) you can be pretty sure you’ve been ghosted.
He’s distant in person too
When you see him in person, is he genuinely happy to see you? Is he interested in how you’ve been, or what you’ve been up to? Or does he keep it brief? If when you bump into him or meet up, he appears distant or uninterested, take that as an indication of how much he cares. He may have already started phasing you out. It shouldn’t come as a big surprise when he ghosts you.
Related: 5 Telltale Signs He’s Acting Distant
He avoids making plans, or cancels them at the last minute
If he seems reluctant to make plans with you or always seems too ‘busy,’ beware. In dating, it’s reassuring when someone who is genuinely busy tries to come up with ways to work around both your schedules to make it happen. However, if he appears to make little effort to make plans with you, or if he goes silent whenever you mention the future, he’s probably not that keen.
The other scenario is when he cancels plans at the last minute. This can leave you feeling disappointed and hurt. Of course there are times when things come up suddenly, making it difficult to give the other person notice. However, if he habitually cancels at the last minute or stands you up, it shows you are low on his list of priorities. It’s reasonable to question yourself: is he ghosting me?’ Not only is it disrespectful towards you and your time, he is likely not emotionally available at present. A guy who lacks respect towards you or is simply not that interested is far more likely to ghost you.
When it comes to revealing details about his life, he’s Mr. Mystery
Through your interactions with this person, whether it be in real person or through texting, you build up an idea of this guy’s character and his lifestyle. If you seem to never be able to get a good sense of who he is, or if you feel something’s not ‘quite right,’ your gut feeling may be spot on. Of course, there are some people who are open books, whereas others are more reserved. However, if he seems cagey about discussing his life and seems to be hiding something, he may be intentionally keeping you at arm’s length. If your interactions then become less and less frequent, it may be possible he is ghosting you.
He has a busy social calendar and you’re totally not part of it
Ah, social media. The perfect way to keep up with your friends and (stalk) acquaintances. Not only can you gain insight into their lives, you can also see where they’ve been and with who. It can be easy to jump to conclusions, so it’s important to not base your judgment completely on say, an Instagram post.
However, it is possible to use social media as an indication as to what he’s been up to. If say, he cancels plans with you last-minute and you see that he’s gone on an alcohol-fuelled night on the town with his friends, it’s hard to be impressed. Basically, if you find that he has time for everyone aside from you, it’s clear that you’re not high on his list of priorities. No matter how much you enjoy spending time with him, if he only reaches out sporadically, or not at all, he may simply not be interested in continuing the relationship. Many guys find it easier to stop communicating i.e. ghost people rather than giving any kind of explanation.
He’s playing you hot and cold
If you find serious inconsistencies in his attitude towards you, this is not a good sign. It could indicate that he only wants you around when it’s convenient, as opposed to really caring about you. When a guy is sending mixed messages, it shows he lacks respect for your feelings. Or, he is unsure about what he wants. It’s therefore not surprising when he ghosts you later on.
Related: Dating Someone Who’s Playing You Hot and Cold? Read This.
But why is he ghosting me?
If you find that you’ve been ghosted, don’t despair. The first thing to remember is that a guy who ghosts often does so due to reasons that are totally out of your control. Perhaps he’s not emotionally available. Guys who are emotionally unavailable may enjoy spending time with you and having fun, but when it gets to the point where things become more serious, they pull away. This could be because he simply wants to focus on other things in his life and is not keen for a serious relationship. Or, it could be that he isn’t sure about you. He may be seeing other people and not want to limit his own freedom. Ultimately, regardless of his reasons for ghosting you, your time is better invested elsewhere and with someone who appreciates you.
He’s ghosting me. What should I do next?
It can be very hurtful when you realize you’ve been ghosted. The lack of any explanation can make it difficult to gain closure. You may end up analysing and questioning your relationship, contemplating the reasons as to why he ghosted you. The most important thing to remember is that the fact that he ghosted you shows he lacks respect for you. The basis for any healthy relationship is respect. If a guy ghosts you, you are certainly better off without him in your life. Give yourself some time to process your feelings and perhaps share your experience with a close friend whom you trust. Afterwards, it’s important to move on. Focus on doing things that make you feel happy and fulfilled and spend time with loved ones who truly respect you.
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