Updated: 3rd May 2023
If you’ve been ghosted after the first date, it can be frustrating, especially if you felt the date went well. You may have put in a lot of effort to this meeting with the other person, whom you may have met online, or met through people you know. Being ghosted after the first date is a common situation that daters find themselves in. Even if you were lukewarm about the other person, it can still be disappointing deep down. Don’t despair, the following guide will help you understand why they may have ghosted you and offer suggestions on how to move on swiftly.
What does it mean to be ghosted after the first date?
Being ghosted after the first date is when the other person stops all communication after the first date. This may include texting or messaging on Whatsapp or phone calls. They may abruptly stop communication, or they may gradually reply less and less until they disappear all together. It can be frustrating if you felt the date went well and you were looking forward to seeing them again.
Why was I ghosted after the first date?
The first thing you may be wondering is “Why was I ghosted after the first date?” The simple answer is, the other person is just not that interested in seeing you again. There may be a million reasons why and it’s unlikely you’ll ever know exactly what they were thinking. Here are some common reasons why:
Why was I ghosted after the first date? Reason 1. You’re not their type
If you are attracted to another person, it’s easy to view them with rose-tinted glasses and find everything they say interesting and entertaining. However, this does not necessarily mean they feel the same way about you. In fact, it can often be easier to be attracted to someone who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings.
Many of us enjoy the thrill of the chase. They may even view you more as the ‘friend’ type rather than someone with romantic potential. No matter how enjoyable you found the date, the fact that they’ve ghosted you is enough evidence that they are not that keen. If they’ve not followed up by keeping in touch or arranging another meeting, they don’t want to take things further. It’s perfectly possible to have great conversation, laugh together and enjoy the first date but still not feel that romantic ‘spark’ with the other person.
Why was I ghosted after the first date? Reason 2. They like you as a person but you want different things.
First dates are how we learn more about the other person’s personality, their interests and their lifestyle. Getting even deeper, even a single date can give one insight into the other person’s values and goals. The great thing about first dates is that it allows people to explore what’s out there without any commitments. It could be that you’re looking for casual dates with no strings attached, while the other person is looking for something more serious. Furthermore, they may feel that your lifestyles are incompatible and as a result is not keen to take things further. If the other person is perceptive and realizes this, they may choose to ghost and invest their efforts elsewhere.
Why was I ghosted after the first date? Reason 3. They are involved with someone else.
Just because someone is willing to meet you for a first date, it doesn’t mean that they are ‘single.’ Modern dating can be like a minefield, requiring astute judgement required to navigate through the terrain without getting hurt. There are so many different types of relationships nowadays, some exclusive and others not. It can be hard to know exactly what you are dealing with when you meet someone for the first date. Unfortunately, unless the person is very upfront about their relationship status, it can take time to figure this out. Some people may already be involved with someone else but continue accepting dates with new people. These types can easily ghost their first dates, as it may have just been extra entertainment for them.
Why was I ghosted after the first date? Reason 4. They’re dating multiple people
Dating apps have made it easier than ever for daters to find matches. Simply spending 20 minutes on a dating app, one can end up with many new connections and plans for first dates. This kind of dating has created serial daters as it is always so easy to find someone new. This results in some people moving on one person to the next at lightning speed. They don’t stick around to explain that they’re no longer interested and prefer to ghost instead.
Why was I ghosted after the first date? Reason 5. They’re casually dating with no intention to take things further
It’s hard to tell what people are really seeking deep down when you go on a first date with them. They may be looking for something serious, or they may be dating simply for fun. It’s even possible that they’ve just come out of a relationship and are looking for distractions by going on dates with multiple people. You simply have no way of knowing.
It’s certainly possible that the person who ghosted you after the first date is simply dipping their toes in the dating market. They may be dating out of boredom. Or, they may not be in the frame of mind to build up a new relationship. As a result, they have zero intention of taking things any further than the first date. Ghosting someone after the first date is an easy way for them to cut things off.
Why was I ghosted after the first date? Reason 6. They are a serial ghoster
Some people simply feel that it’s absolutely fine to ghost people after the first date. This is arguable, especially if it’s clear that the date didn’t go particularly well. Furthermore, it may be obvious that the two of you are incompatible. In this situation, it’s common for neither person to bother reaching out.
Ghosting after the first date is more of an issue when one person felt the date went well and is then surprised that they are ghosted. However, just remember that the other person ma simply be in the habit of ghosting people, even if the date went well. These types of people may be expert daters and have lots of fun on dates. They may even give you the impression that they are truly interested before ghosting you.
What should I do if I was ghosted after the first date?
It’s ok to feel disappointed
If you’ve been ghosted after a first date that you thought went well, you may feel disappointed. That’s absolutely fine! Maybe you misinterpreted their interest or read the situation a bit wrong. It’s possible that the date did go really well but the other person simply felt that special chemistry was lacking.
Dating is all about meeting different people and seeing if you have a connection. The interest needs to be mutual in order for things to work out. Most of the time there’s simply nothing else you could have done. It sucks that the other person ghosted after the first date but it has no bearing on your future dating success. Allow yourself some time to feel bummed about it but then after that, put yourself back out there.
Do not blame yourself
It’s important to not blame yourself if you get ghosted after a first date. Unless you were rude or obnoxious towards the other person, there is nothing you could have done differently. The other person may have ghosted you because you’re simply not their type or they are busy dating other people. You’ll probably never understand why they ghosted you after the first date. However, it truly does not matter.
It’s not your fault that the ghoster did not appreciate your worth
The reality is that the two of you are not compatible and they did not feel it was necessary to explain why. It’s not your fault that the ghoster did not see your worth or appreciate what you have to offer. Do not spend time wondering if there is something wrong with you or let it affect your self-esteem. The only thing you can conclude from being ghosted after the first date is that they are simply not the right person for you.
Related: How To Do Online Dating Successfully: 5 Top Tips For Success
You’ll probably never find out exactly why you were ghosted, so spending ages wondering why is pointless
Many people who are ghosted after the first date will be puzzled if they enjoyed the date. Putting things into perspective, you really do not know a person well after just one date. No matter how well you felt the date went, you simply do not know much about this person’s personality, their lifestyle or priorities. It’s likely that you may never find out exactly why they ghosted you after the first date. However, what they have demonstrated is that they do not deserve any further investment of time and effort from you.
Look at the bigger picture
Most people will agree that dating different people and having both good and bad experiences ultimately helps you figure out what you want, too. Although dating can be stressful and disappointing at times, every failed relationship teaches you a thing or two. Every step in your dating journey will bring you closer to finding what is right for you. Even though being ghosted after the first date can really suck, just remember this is one of many experiences you will have. Sometimes, having crappy experiences are what make you truly appreciate good experiences later on.
Focus on moving on
Any healthy relationship requires that both parties are involved and contribute in a way that is respectful and meaningful to the other person. Therefore, if you’ve been ghosted after the first date, you’re much better off focusing on moving on. Force yourself to stop over-analyzing why the other person may have ghosted you. Stop questioning whether it was something you did. Do not allow being ghosted after the first date to view yourself (or dating) negatively.
Focus on moving forwards with your life and continue to date with a positive attitude. Just because it did not work out with one person, it does not mean that you won’t meet someone who truly suits you. You are a special, unique individual and the right person will appreciate all your qualities. There will be someone out there who can’t wait to message you and see you who will make you happy, too.
What if it happens again? Being ghosted after the first date has really put me off dating.
Dating certainly comes with no guarantees. Ghosting has become very common, especially in online dating, where people connect with many other potential dates. It is definitely possible that you may get ghosted again. However, the only way to completely avoid being ghosted is to not date at all, as it can honestly happen to anyone. If you’ve just been ghosted and don’t feel quite ready to date again, then focus on doing things that make you happy and fulfilled. Spend more time with family and friends who really value you and know you well. Or, dedicate more time to your own interests and hobbies.
Once you feel ready to start dating again, try to maintain a positive attitude. Have an open-mind and don’t place any expectations on the first date. It may be an absolute flop…or you may find you’ve met someone who you genuinely click with and the feeling is mutual.
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