Have you recently been ghosted by a friend? You may be struggling to figure out why they cut you off. Or, you may already have your suspicions as to why they ghosted you. If you feel unhappy about letting the friendship go just like that, you may be wondering if it’s worth reaching out to them. “Should I confront a friend who ghosted me?” is a common question asked by anyone who’s been ghosted by a friend. Here are some things to consider that will help you decide whether or not to confront them.
Reasons why you may want to confront a friend who ghosted you
If this person’s friendship means something to you and you want to try to salvage it, then it may be worth confronting them.
Reason 1. To find out why they ghosted
The obvious reason as to why you may want to confront a friend who ghosted you is to find out why they ghosted you. Even if you have an inkling of why they stopped speaking to you, confronting them may allow you to gain clarity on the issue. If you have zero clue as to why they ghosted you, it’s possible they may have ghosted you based on reasons that never crossed your mind. It could even be related to things other people have said about you. If you do not confront them, there’s no way of knowing.
Reason 2. To give you an opportunity to make things right
If they ghosted you for something that you said or did, confronting them may allow you to make things right. That’s not to say that it’s your fault they ghosted you. However, if you feel that you may be partly to blame for them wanting to cut you off, then you may have an opportunity to clarify any misunderstandings or even apologize.
If, however, you’ve had doubts about whether you want this friend in your life, you may not be willing to try so hard for the friendship. As a result, you may be feel o.k. about letting them go and not bother to confront them. This may be the case if you feel that:
- The two of you have outgrown each other
- This friend is a negative influence
- They are toxic in any way
- Them ghosting you was uncalled for and don’t appreciate being treated like that
How to confront a friend who ghosted you
If you’ve decided you want to confront this friend (either in person or by text) then it’s important to remember the following things.
- Approach the situation with an open-minded mentality with a view to resolving the situation
- Give them an opportunity to voice their opinion freely
- Listen to what they have to say
- Express how you feel without blaming or accusing them
- Tell them that you value the friendship
Examples of how to confront a friend who ghosted you:
Example 1.
“Hi, I noticed that you’re no longer speaking to me. I appreciate our friendship and would like to understand why you don’t want to talk to me. Have I done something to upset you?”
Example 2.
“Hey, I haven’t heard from you in a while. I wanted to check and see if everything’s ok with you. Is there any reason why you’re ignoring me? I would sincerely like to know why and see if we can work things out.”
Example 3.
“Hi, hope you are ok. I was wondering if something has happened that’s caused you to not want to speak to me. Would you be ok to share? I’m here to listen.”
As you can see by these examples, there’s no need to say too much. The main thing is to show that you are keen to find out why they ghosted you and give them an opportunity to speak.
If, after confronting a friend who ghosted you, they continue ignoring you, then it’s time to call it quits
Unfortunately, there’s only so much one can do to try and save a friendship after being ghosted. If your friend has made it clear that despite your efforts, they still do not wish to communicate with you, there’s not much you can do about it. It may feel very frustrating if you value this person and are sad they are no longer in your life. However, there’s no point in trying any harder to salvage the situation.
Ultimately, you cannot control other people’s behaviour. They have a right to not want to be friends with you. Ask yourself: is it even worth being friends with someone who is completely unwilling to discuss why they may be upset with you? Your best bet is accepting that the friendship is over and moving on.
If they reply and explain why they ghosted, be prepared to hear them out
If, after confronting the friend who ghosted you, they respond and explain why they ghosted you, then it’s important to listen to what they have to say. Their response may surprise you and include reasons that had never occurred to you. Depending on what they say, there may be misunderstandings between the two of you that you can address. If it’s truly your fault, then you’ll have an opportunity to apologize for what you did.
So is confronting a friend who ghosted you worth it? Maybe.
Gaining some answers about why they ghosted you will at least mean you don’t have to wonder what happened. If it turns out that they ghosted you for reasons that you feel are unfair, then you may consider whether them ghosting you was unkind. If you felt that it was unreasonable for them to ghost, you can decide whether it’s even worth reconciliating with them.
Be prepared that confronting a friend who ghosted you may not go according to plan. They may ignore you completely. Or their reply might completely surprise or infuriate you. However, if you value this friendship and constantly wondering why they ghosted you, it just may be worth a shot.
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