Inevitably, those who have been ghosted will ask themselves “why was I ghosted?” Firstly, it’s important to note that if you are being ghosted, the act of ghosting is far more a reflection of the other person’s reluctance to communicate, than of your worthiness of love. We spoke to 6 men and women, who offered very wide-ranging (and even shocking) reasons as to why they ghosted other people.
Related: “He ghosted me.” 5 Women Share Their Experiences Of Being Ghosted.
“I didn’t know how to deal with her.”
“I met this girl in a bar when I was on a break from my girlfriend of 2 years, as we were going through a rough patch. In all honesty, I just wanted a bit of fun and she was really hot. It started as casual hooking up. However, when I realized she was starting to develop feelings for me, it really freaked me out as I wasn’t at all looking for a proper relationship. I didn’t know how to deal with her. It seemed like she would get really upset if I told her it was over. As we didn’t have any mutual friends, I figured it was unlikely I would run into her again. It wasn’t the best thing to do, but I ghosted her.” – Sam, 31.
“I wasn’t sure how much I liked him.”
“Honestly, I wasn’t sure how much I liked him and I thought I’d give things a chance. By the fourth date, I realized I did not feel attracted to him in ‘that way’ so I stopped responding. He only messaged a few more times before he stopped completely.” – Abi, 28.
“I decided not to waste my time.”
“She was so flirty with other guys in front of me, it made me feel insecure and question whether I was just a backup for her. After a while, I’d had enough, so when her usual messages came asking what I was up to, I decided not to waste my time and didn’t bother replying.” – Kev, 27.
“I felt like something was missing.”
“I had been single for a while when I started seeing this guy. It was a few months into dating that I realized I just wasn’t that ‘into’ him. Sure, he was a good guy, but I felt like something was missing: chemistry. It was also a super busy period at work and I had a lot on my plate. Basically, I really wasn’t in the mood to go through the process of ending it. I’m not proud of it but I ghosted him.” – Sarah, 31.
“It’s pretty obvious that most guys are looking for hook ups and casual flings.”
“I think online dating is a free-for-all, and anyone who denies that is in denial. Surely, girls can’t expect to find the love of their life on Tinder? It’s pretty obvious that most guys are looking for hook ups and casual flings on these apps. I date multiple girls from dating apps and if I get bored of someone, I move on to the next. I just don’t think it’s a big deal if you stop responding – it’s not as if we’re in a serious relationship. What were they expecting? Marriage? Besides, girls often string along multiple guys and then ghost guys when they’re not that keen.” Nic, 28.
“There’s no way I want a repeat of what happened with my crazy ex.”
“My break up with my ex was pretty awful. We had been dating for a year or so and I just didn’t see the relationship going anywhere. When I broke up with her, I told her that I just wasn’t that into it. She went nuts and accused me of leading her on. She also went around telling her friends what a lying scumbag I was. I don’t even get why she was so mad, she seemed really keen the whole time, about sex and everything. Overall, it was too much for me, dealing with her anger and sh**. The next time I wanted to end it with a girl, I decided to ghost her. There’s no way I want a repeat of what happened with my crazy ex.” Dan, 28.
All ghosters have one thing in common
While people’s reasons for ghosting can vary, ultimately, those doing the ghosting simply want to avoid the awkwardness and emotions of explaining that they no longer wish to continue the relationship. It exempts them having to deal with the other person’s hurt feelings and be accountable for their own actions. As relationships have no absolute ‘rules’, it’s easy for those doing the ghosting to justify their behavior. They may reason that they are ‘saving’ the other person from the trauma of an ‘actual’ breakup. Or, they may justify that as the relationship wasn’t ‘serious’ to begin with and therefore no explanation was owed. Some may even deny that the relationship ever existed.
Players, as well as narcissists, who often date multiple people at the same time while allowing the other person to believe they only have eyes for them, are often guilty of ghosting. These types tend to avoid becoming too involved with the emotions and intimate side of relationships. They may enter into relationships solely with the objective of fulfilling their sexual needs or boosting their ego. As a result, they can enjoy dating multiple men or women without making any commitment or getting emotionally involved. Ghosting, to them, doesn’t even strike them as being something hurtful or cowardly, as they are too busy thinking of their own needs to consider the feelings of others.
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