Have you recently been in touch with an ex and thought it would be a good idea to meet up? Depending on how long it’s been since your relationship, a lot may have changed. You may be very curious to know how they’re doing. If they seemed keen to chat with you and the two of you decided to meet, it likely came as a surprise when they suddenly stopped messaging. You may be wondering: “my ex agreed to meet up then ghosted me, why?” So why do exes change their mind and ghost? Here are 6 common reasons.
Reason 1. They got cold feet
If your ex ghosted you after the two of you agreed to meet, they may have gotten cold feet. They may have felt chatting to you was pretty harmless and enjoyed doing so. Its normal to be curious about people who we previously had relationships with and want to know how they are doing. However, meeting up in person is completely different.
Your ex may have gotten cold feet for a variety of reasons. Even if both of you are completely over the breakup, they may be unsure how to act around you. Interactions with exes can be awkward. There’s a lot that both people will be thinking and feeling underneath your polite conversation. Furthermore, they might not be sure if meeting up with you once would lead to you seeing each other regularly. They may be unsure if they really wanted you in their life and, as a result, got nervous about meeting up with you.
Reason 2. They felt meeting up was pointless
Why do we meet up with other people? The whole point is to enjoy each other’s company, see what everyone’s been up to and exchange ideas. Perhaps after agreeing to meet up with you, your ex had second thoughts and felt it was pointless. They may have felt that there would be nothing to achieved by meeting you. Maybe they feel they don’t have much in common with you and wouldn’t enjoy spending time with you. Your relationship has already run its course and they don’t want to be friends.
Reason 3. They were scared that meeting up with you would stir up old emotions
Meeting up with exes can be difficult because it can stir up old emotions. It can cause both people to reminisce about the relationship, both positive and negative. If your ex loved you, it’s possible they did not want to risk developing feelings for you again. They may have already gained closure after your breakup and moved on. Meeting up would be counterproductive to them.
Spending time with an ex can offer a feeling of familiarity and comfort. This is why breaking up can sometimes be so difficult: both people are so used to spending time together and turning to each other for emotional support. Two people may still feel drawn to each other even long after a relationship has ended. They may be scared of experiencing this and ending up confused.
Meeting up with an ex can also trigger negative emotions. Say, for example, your ex felt he or she was treated badly or there were unresolved issues in your relationship. Or, if you had a painful breakup that left both of you upset. Meeting you may bring back some of the feelings of sadness, frustration or even anger that they felt previously. As a result, they decided against meeting up with you.
Reason 4. They are seeing someone and meeting up with you would cross a line
If your ex is now seeing someone else, they may have changed their mind about meeting you because doing so would cross a line. Casually chatting on messenger is one thing, but meeting up in person means a lot more.
Even if they would have enjoyed meeting you, they may have thought it would complicate things. If they are in a new relationship, they may want to focus on that. They may have felt that meeting you wouldn’t be respectful to the person they are currently seeing. Realistically, not many people would be thrilled with the idea of the person they are seeing meeting up with an ex 1-on-1.
Reason 5. They may have been unsure about your intentions for meeting up
Your ex may have initially agreed to meet up with you, thinking it would be nice to casually catch up. However, after thinking about it for longer, they may have started wondering why you wanted to see them. They may have been worried that you would want to be friends or are even trying to get back together. Of course, that’s not to say that you wanted either of these things. However, if they were scared by either of these possibilities, they may have felt ghosting you was the only way to cut you off.
Reason 6. They agreed to meet out of politeness and had no intention of following through
If you were the one to suggest meeting up (rather than it being a mutual idea), it’s possible your ex agreed out of politeness. They didn’t want to reject you flat out and therefore went along with making plans to meet. However, as the day approached, they didn’t have the heart to break the bad news to you that they didn’t want to meet and ghosted instead.
Why didn’t my ex just tell me they didn’t want to meet instead of ghosting me?
It wouldn’t have taken much effort for your ex to say “actually I don’t think it’s a great idea we meet” or to even make an excuse that they were busy. Why did they choose to ghost instead of telling you directly? Well, they likely ghosted because:
- They thought saying ‘no’ would hurt your feelings
- They were fine with small talk but do not want an on-going relationship with you
- They are unlikely to bump into you in real life and there wouldn’t be any real consequences of ghosting you
Related: Broken Up With A Guy & Wondering “Why Doesn’t He Miss Me?” 5 Reasons Why Your Ex Doesn’t Miss You
What should I do?
Remember that your ex is an ex for good reason. Sure, it’s understandably annoying that they suddenly stopped replying when you thought the two of you were going to meet to catch up. You may have even asked your friends “my ex agreed to meet up then ghosted me, why?” However, it really doesn’t matter why they ghosted you after agreeing to meet up. They do not want to see you, nor do they want to hear from you anymore. You’re far better off letting it go and spending your time doing more worthwhile things. Focus on the people that truly want you in their life.
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